Your classmates, if that's what you want to call them, pick on you daily. They say horrendous things to you to make you feel inadequate. They say things in front of the entire class or in front of a special person that you like and make you feel incompetent. These so called classmates do everything they can to make you feel pathetic. Your reaction to this because you don't feel accepting to the things they say or do is to skip a day or so of school. Then that day or so will turn to a week or so. Then eventually you decide to drop out of school because you feel better about just staying away altogether. Who won? Do you know who won? They won. They were able to drive you away from the circle of people they wish they could attract. There was something about you that they became jealous of and they felt the need to drive you away. You walk around the halls of your school with a scowl on your face because you feel unpleasant about the way you have been treated when you should be doing exactly the opposite. You should be walking around with a smile on your face big enough to out shine the sun. Face your enemy and show them that whatever they are doing to you, hasn't effected you. Carry your head high, stick your chest out like a good soldier and march on through the mud. Your weapon will be your smile and your outward projection.
When you get home, if you feel the need, breakdown. Cry. Scream. Do something that makes you feel better at getting the frustrations out so long as it does not harm others. When you are done, write it down. Journal it. You think, 'Oh, what a stupid idea!' Really? I used to say the same thing. As described in my book, The Train Runs No More I was bothered by a dream for thirty eight years because I did not think that by writing all of my disappointments down would do any good. The moment I began to write is the moment a pressure valve opened and began letting off all the steam. You will be amazed at how well it works. For years I would refuse this suggestion by professional psychologists that I would go and express myself to. Then I began to write. A week after I began to write, the dreams had stopped. I began to get more sleep. I began to feel rested when I woke up in the morning. I should have done this years ago. For those of you reading this and are still young, you should do this now while you are still in your formative years. If you feel you must find another school to attend, find it. Stay in school and get your education. While these other people are burning up their energy to figure out another way to drive you nuts, you are getting your education to possibly do some good in the world or place yourself in a better position than they could ever dream of. Your happiness may not be now. Your satisfaction may not be now. Your gratitude may not be now. All of this you have to work at. Once your satisfaction and happiness come, you will be able to appreciate more. Everything does not have to be now.
As a teenager, you know more than your parents. At least you think you do. Even though your parents have lived a lifetime more than you, you still feel you know more than your parents. It's when you become educated and have children that grow to be teenagers that you begin to know less than their children. It happens with every generation. You, yourself will be thought of as knowing less than your children when the time comes. You will be amazed at how that works. However, once you begin to sit and talk with your parents and I mean actually talk, then you will become as well educated as your parents and you will be able to handle your position in the world so much better. You just have to be willing to open your mind and throw away the lock. Listen to what they have to say. Apply their ideas of yesterday to your issues of today and your world could be a better place. Open up and listen.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sneaky People
Sneaky people are those that will do something that they don't want you to know about. They will plot behind your back and smile to your face. They will ask you questions that you wonder why they are asking only to find out later they that they needed more ammunition. Once they have pulled off their plot or committed some act of evil against you that they think that you don't know about, they remove themselves from whatever entity they think you can look them up in. I have what I call acquaintances, that have unlisted their telephone numbers from the phone company. They have removed themselves from the different social networks. They have gone to a lot of trouble to hide from those they have offended. When they have done this, you know that they realize they have done something hideous to you and they are not man enough to face you. They no longer have the balls to come out into the light. Whereas, if you are a friend of mine and I tell you something that I don't like about what you are doing to me, if you are still my friend, you will stop the act that you are committing and remain my friend, understanding the fact that I didn't like your offense. Those are true friends. The ones that have been caught, admit it and then go away, never to return. Good riddance. Even my older sibling brother has removed himself from the white pages, has no visible social media page, and thinks I cannot locate his address in Little Rock, Arkansas. Too bad for him. With my access to "tools" on the internet, I have already found his address and the piece of shit house he lives in in Arkansas. Arkansas. The poorest state in the union and why anyone would want to move to the poorest state in the union is beyond me. For my brother thinking that he is so well educated that he has to ridicule the very people he works around in the hospital he works at, if those people are so dumb and stupid as he says they are, why stay there? If they are so poorly educated, why not take a stand and help to promote better education there? It's so much easier to complain about something than it is to fix something. It's so much easier to ridicule someone than it is to help them. I haven't met a nurse yet that doesn't think they are better than anyone else walking in an upright position. Most of my high school classmates have become unlisted as though they think I am going to find them up one day. Who gives a rat's ass? Why would I ever want to reminisce such a horrible experience in my life? Why would anyone? By the way, I found them all anyway. Away from them, I have become a better person, enjoyed life more, appreciated people better, and am able to decide in a short span of time whether I want to accept a person or not. All of those people have taught me a great lesson. They have taught me how to read a person. Too bad that all of those people are taking such a long time to die off. The best Karma there is, is the fact that they are all dying off at a younger age than myself and I am continuing on enjoying life. My only hope is that I can teach the younger ones how to handle all of the maltreatment that they receive. I certainly don't need a degree or book sense to realize when I or anyone else is being treated badly. My advice isn't professional by any means. It is life's experience and how mean and cruel people can be to one another. If you want a true and loyal friend that will be by your side through thick and thin, that can read you like no other, that will love you unconditionally, get a dog. To find a mate that will love you unconditionally, those are far and few between. I have finally found a mate that does just that and she and I have been together for over twenty years now. Unconditional love. That is what really matters. She doesn't try to change me. I don't try to change her. She is my best friend and my go to person. She is my person. That is the mate one should try to find. Not one just because you are lonely. Why find one that treats you badly, rather than be alone? I have never understood that. That only tells me that someone is lacking in self respect. Love one's self first, then love another. When you begin to love yourself, then you begin to find the one that you want.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
The Inmates Run The Asylum
I know of a couple with two children. When we go to visit with them, the moment we step through the door there is this noise in the home. The noise sounds as though there is a crowd of people in there. There is the television blaring in the background because it can't be heard over the noise. There is a stereo in another room turned on trying to drown out the noise of the "crowd" and be heard over the television, and then there is our noise of greetings and salutations trying to be heard over all of the combined noise. At that moment it simply sounds like a dull roar. Just how Walter Cronkite used to end his evening news report, "And that's the way it is". All of the time.
Every year we get together with all of our close friends that live a bit of a distance away, including the couple referred to above. We get together to watch a special program that comes on once a year. This year I noticed one of the husbands of one of our other friends was pretty much standing through the entire program, close to one of the speakers connected to the television. I began taking note as to why. The couple with the two children, their children were making so much noise that the television could not be heard. There was an additional child of another guest that was playing with the children and whom also was as noisy as the other two children only because that child had someone to play with amongst all of the adults there. I sat and looked around and listened. Pretty much all of the adults were paying attention to the programming, concentrating on what could be heard from the television. There was some minor conversation going, but that was comments about what was being shown. The noise was mainly coming from the children and as the volume of the television increased for the courtesy of our guests, so did the volume of the children. I had turned to the mother of the two older children and I commented on the husband standing so close to the speaker as though he were trying to listen to the program. She replied that he was trying to hear the program. She said they have the same problem in their home. They can't hear the television no matter how loud it gets because of the noise of the children and what is on the television is never any adult programming. They have two televisions and neither of them can they watch because the moment they sit down to watch television the children gravitate in there with them but don't watch nor do they listen, but the television can't be heard because of the noise being heard from the children. They haven't even watched the news for years. As a test, I asked her about something what happened on Desperate Housewives. She was not aware of the program because they weren't able to sit down and watch television. They simply can't hear it. She went on to tell me that during the evening hours, every light in the house is turned on lighting it up like a Christmas tree because the children just can't enter a dark room. They aren't afraid of the dark. The light just has to be on. While speaking with her, one of the children came over during our conversation and complained that we did not have our light on in the kitchen. The mother did have the gumption to explain that we are in someone else's home and here we don't have all the lights home. The child started to react negatively and the mother told her that if they had to, they could go sit in the truck until they decided to leave, but the lights will stay off because that is the way we want it in our home. The child turned to me as if to ask if the light could be turned on and my immediate reply was to leave it off since there was no reason to have it on in an area where no one was. She turned and walked back to play with the other children. I don't cater to ill behavior by children and I don't cater to ill behavior by adults. The mother went on to explain that pretty much their house is run by the children and they cater to their needs. So as far as doing "adult" things, that is out of the question.
One thing to note in this is that the older child has been diagnosed with autism. Now, I have seen children diagnosed with autism that will not recognize who stands before them. Sometimes they will sit in a place and rock, or they will sit in a corner and rock endlessly because it makes them feel comfortable and safe. I have also seen them with autism so bad that they have to wear helmets to keep them from harming themselves when they run head first into a wall. This child, if the child has autism, is not that bad. What I feel the child has is a severe case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. What makes it worse is the parents cater to the child's wants and rarely lift a finger of correction to her except to take her to a school of special needs. What the child really needs is to be told, "No" once in awhile and as crushing as that may sound to the child, the child needs to be put in their place instead of directing the parents as to what to do. This is a very young child now. I hate to see what happens when they become an educated teenager. Already, I can sit by and watch the situations between mother and child or father and child and I can tell that this child knows exactly what button to push and at what time to push it. In the end, she gets what she wants. She may have to work at it a little longer than at other times, but eventually she gets what she wants when all along, if that was going to be the end result the parents should have just immediately said, "Yes".
Cater. I don't cater. I don't cater to nobody. If I see something that is unreasonable, I don't give in unless there will be a positive result. Some parents are afraid to simply say "No!". Some parents will allow their child to sit in their lap on a flight somewhere and kick the back of the sit in front of them THE WHOLE FREAKIN' FLIGHT! Those are the parents that I would like to just turn around in my seat, reach down the parents throat, grab them by the asshole and rip it back through their mouth. This was at a time before 9/11 and people were not so annoyed, but this no longer is tolerated because the flight attendants will not tolerate any kind of violent reaction on board anymore. Lucky for me.
I was raised with corporal punishment. If I did something wrong, the infraction was weighed with the level of punishment to be doled out. If the infraction deemed corporal punishment, then either I got spanked with a hand or a belt and nothing more. It only took one or two swats before I decided that I would not be performing that infraction again. So, pretty much, I grew up a good boy until I got "educated". Then I had to get myself out of my own trouble. Parents today are even afraid to say no. They won't lift a finger toward the child because they don't want to crush the child's esteem. Or, they may cause brain damage if they receive a swat. If a swat on the bottom may cause brain damage, that child has a lot more trouble going on for it than just to follow instruction. There's always a time for using a corporal punishment and not every infraction should be dealt with using corporal punishment otherwise it becomes useless. At the same time, when using corporal punishment, that is not to say stand there and whip the child like an impudent horse. I can't stand it when I hear of a child being beat by a parent. That parent needs to be taken out behind the wood shed and be educated himself. There is always reasonable punishment to fit the crime.
Getting back to the noise, all children make noise. I don't mind it. But when it becomes so loud that it begins to interfere, then they need to take it some place else, play more quietly, or not at all. We can be reasonable. I like to watch children play and have a good time because I try to see things through their eyes. I try to envision what they see before I became educated. I'm sure, as adults, we all miss that time before responsibility became a way of life. But why allow the inmates to run the asylum?
Every year we get together with all of our close friends that live a bit of a distance away, including the couple referred to above. We get together to watch a special program that comes on once a year. This year I noticed one of the husbands of one of our other friends was pretty much standing through the entire program, close to one of the speakers connected to the television. I began taking note as to why. The couple with the two children, their children were making so much noise that the television could not be heard. There was an additional child of another guest that was playing with the children and whom also was as noisy as the other two children only because that child had someone to play with amongst all of the adults there. I sat and looked around and listened. Pretty much all of the adults were paying attention to the programming, concentrating on what could be heard from the television. There was some minor conversation going, but that was comments about what was being shown. The noise was mainly coming from the children and as the volume of the television increased for the courtesy of our guests, so did the volume of the children. I had turned to the mother of the two older children and I commented on the husband standing so close to the speaker as though he were trying to listen to the program. She replied that he was trying to hear the program. She said they have the same problem in their home. They can't hear the television no matter how loud it gets because of the noise of the children and what is on the television is never any adult programming. They have two televisions and neither of them can they watch because the moment they sit down to watch television the children gravitate in there with them but don't watch nor do they listen, but the television can't be heard because of the noise being heard from the children. They haven't even watched the news for years. As a test, I asked her about something what happened on Desperate Housewives. She was not aware of the program because they weren't able to sit down and watch television. They simply can't hear it. She went on to tell me that during the evening hours, every light in the house is turned on lighting it up like a Christmas tree because the children just can't enter a dark room. They aren't afraid of the dark. The light just has to be on. While speaking with her, one of the children came over during our conversation and complained that we did not have our light on in the kitchen. The mother did have the gumption to explain that we are in someone else's home and here we don't have all the lights home. The child started to react negatively and the mother told her that if they had to, they could go sit in the truck until they decided to leave, but the lights will stay off because that is the way we want it in our home. The child turned to me as if to ask if the light could be turned on and my immediate reply was to leave it off since there was no reason to have it on in an area where no one was. She turned and walked back to play with the other children. I don't cater to ill behavior by children and I don't cater to ill behavior by adults. The mother went on to explain that pretty much their house is run by the children and they cater to their needs. So as far as doing "adult" things, that is out of the question.
One thing to note in this is that the older child has been diagnosed with autism. Now, I have seen children diagnosed with autism that will not recognize who stands before them. Sometimes they will sit in a place and rock, or they will sit in a corner and rock endlessly because it makes them feel comfortable and safe. I have also seen them with autism so bad that they have to wear helmets to keep them from harming themselves when they run head first into a wall. This child, if the child has autism, is not that bad. What I feel the child has is a severe case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. What makes it worse is the parents cater to the child's wants and rarely lift a finger of correction to her except to take her to a school of special needs. What the child really needs is to be told, "No" once in awhile and as crushing as that may sound to the child, the child needs to be put in their place instead of directing the parents as to what to do. This is a very young child now. I hate to see what happens when they become an educated teenager. Already, I can sit by and watch the situations between mother and child or father and child and I can tell that this child knows exactly what button to push and at what time to push it. In the end, she gets what she wants. She may have to work at it a little longer than at other times, but eventually she gets what she wants when all along, if that was going to be the end result the parents should have just immediately said, "Yes".
Cater. I don't cater. I don't cater to nobody. If I see something that is unreasonable, I don't give in unless there will be a positive result. Some parents are afraid to simply say "No!". Some parents will allow their child to sit in their lap on a flight somewhere and kick the back of the sit in front of them THE WHOLE FREAKIN' FLIGHT! Those are the parents that I would like to just turn around in my seat, reach down the parents throat, grab them by the asshole and rip it back through their mouth. This was at a time before 9/11 and people were not so annoyed, but this no longer is tolerated because the flight attendants will not tolerate any kind of violent reaction on board anymore. Lucky for me.
I was raised with corporal punishment. If I did something wrong, the infraction was weighed with the level of punishment to be doled out. If the infraction deemed corporal punishment, then either I got spanked with a hand or a belt and nothing more. It only took one or two swats before I decided that I would not be performing that infraction again. So, pretty much, I grew up a good boy until I got "educated". Then I had to get myself out of my own trouble. Parents today are even afraid to say no. They won't lift a finger toward the child because they don't want to crush the child's esteem. Or, they may cause brain damage if they receive a swat. If a swat on the bottom may cause brain damage, that child has a lot more trouble going on for it than just to follow instruction. There's always a time for using a corporal punishment and not every infraction should be dealt with using corporal punishment otherwise it becomes useless. At the same time, when using corporal punishment, that is not to say stand there and whip the child like an impudent horse. I can't stand it when I hear of a child being beat by a parent. That parent needs to be taken out behind the wood shed and be educated himself. There is always reasonable punishment to fit the crime.
Getting back to the noise, all children make noise. I don't mind it. But when it becomes so loud that it begins to interfere, then they need to take it some place else, play more quietly, or not at all. We can be reasonable. I like to watch children play and have a good time because I try to see things through their eyes. I try to envision what they see before I became educated. I'm sure, as adults, we all miss that time before responsibility became a way of life. But why allow the inmates to run the asylum?
Friday, March 9, 2012
Everybody Must Get Stoned
To borrow a chorus from a tremendously great balladeer, Bob Dylan from his song, "Rainy Day Women",
Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone
They’ll stone you when you are walking home
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
There is so much truth to this song, but it's not just referring to women, although this has taken place with my ex-wife. It will come from all those that you grew up with that were jealous of you for this reason or that. Their jealousy and insecurities became such that they had to pick on you, harass you, persecute you, and ostracize you. It might even come from your own siblings. You might be made to feel like you are the bad seed, the little chick in the nest that needs to be pushed out of the nest to the ground and wither away. With some it will last for a short period. With some it will last a while. Others, it will last a life time. Yes, friends, everybody must get stoned.
So, I have walked alone. I have entertained myself and have depended upon no one for my entertainment. I have been self supporting and even attained a six figure salary at one time doing laboring work like being an aircraft mechanic. But after awhile I just got tired of being a gypsy, moving from one place to another, so that I could stay in the aircraft field and at that salary. Oh, I landed a job with this corporation or that for awhile, until a layoff would come. That would be because of something peculiar with the economy. If I wanted to stay in that salary range, then I would have to move where I could land the next aircraft job. That was part of the reason for my first marriage to become so disrupted. The constant moving. I stayed in the field after the divorce because where else am I going to find that kind of money to pay my child support? I am one of those fathers that is responsible for those whom he brought into the world. But then, when the money came to a halt, so did the relationship from the children. They were legally bound by the court to continue my visitation, but after that, no longer legally bound and the mother knew that and she made damned sure that she made that impression upon the children. I have not seen them since. If it has not been mentioned before in this blog, but mentioned in my book, you have to remember that the mother also had ADHD. She was just able to hide it from me very well. My son also has ADHD. Both are focused only on what is important to them and them only. If anyone gets in the way of their focus, they become mean and hateful, and everyone else becomes the villain because everyone else is wrong except for them. Yes. Everybody must get stoned. This will last even when I am set down in my grave. For my brother, whom is nine years older than myself, if by the graces of God, I expire first, I wouldn't be surprised if he came to my grave and pissed on it. That's how much my brother cares about his little brother. Everybody must get stoned.
Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone
They’ll stone you when you are walking home
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
There is so much truth to this song, but it's not just referring to women, although this has taken place with my ex-wife. It will come from all those that you grew up with that were jealous of you for this reason or that. Their jealousy and insecurities became such that they had to pick on you, harass you, persecute you, and ostracize you. It might even come from your own siblings. You might be made to feel like you are the bad seed, the little chick in the nest that needs to be pushed out of the nest to the ground and wither away. With some it will last for a short period. With some it will last a while. Others, it will last a life time. Yes, friends, everybody must get stoned.
So, I have walked alone. I have entertained myself and have depended upon no one for my entertainment. I have been self supporting and even attained a six figure salary at one time doing laboring work like being an aircraft mechanic. But after awhile I just got tired of being a gypsy, moving from one place to another, so that I could stay in the aircraft field and at that salary. Oh, I landed a job with this corporation or that for awhile, until a layoff would come. That would be because of something peculiar with the economy. If I wanted to stay in that salary range, then I would have to move where I could land the next aircraft job. That was part of the reason for my first marriage to become so disrupted. The constant moving. I stayed in the field after the divorce because where else am I going to find that kind of money to pay my child support? I am one of those fathers that is responsible for those whom he brought into the world. But then, when the money came to a halt, so did the relationship from the children. They were legally bound by the court to continue my visitation, but after that, no longer legally bound and the mother knew that and she made damned sure that she made that impression upon the children. I have not seen them since. If it has not been mentioned before in this blog, but mentioned in my book, you have to remember that the mother also had ADHD. She was just able to hide it from me very well. My son also has ADHD. Both are focused only on what is important to them and them only. If anyone gets in the way of their focus, they become mean and hateful, and everyone else becomes the villain because everyone else is wrong except for them. Yes. Everybody must get stoned. This will last even when I am set down in my grave. For my brother, whom is nine years older than myself, if by the graces of God, I expire first, I wouldn't be surprised if he came to my grave and pissed on it. That's how much my brother cares about his little brother. Everybody must get stoned.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Respect and Honor
I was watching The Last Samuri one day. It's a story of total and undeniable respect for a hated enemy; an enemy (Katsumoto) that does not want to accept the influence of the west upon traditional Japan. Although Katsumoto is the enemy and ordered to be killed by the imperial soldiers, he still commands the respect of the imperial soldiers under the command of the Imperial Emperor of Japan, although the control of the Imperial Emperor is weak. As Katsumoto lies dying in the field of battle, all of the attacking soldiers of the "new" Japan laid down their weapons, crouched to the ground and kneeled, placing their forehead all the way to the ground showing great honor and great respect.
I feel that respect even with "commoners" has fallen by the wayside. There is no respect for the fellow man. The fellow man is taken for granted. The fellow man is always there, always in competition of something perceived, always an invasion to another's "territory". If there is one ounce of suspicion that more attention will be given to another, then the enemy shall be harassed, ridiculed, persecuted, and ostracized until they are removed from sight. As the old saying goes, "out of sight, out of mind". If the bully feels the least bit threatened, they will do whatever it is necessary to get rid of the imposer. The one being bullied only wishes to "move through the crowd" without confrontation. If they have to they will make things up so that they will gain the attention that they wish for nothing more than to be left alone. Some will find influence in the company of another level of society. All the victim of bullying is looking for is just a little respect from their peers. That's all. Just a little respect. Nothing more. The only reason that a person bullies another is because they feel deficient in one area or another, or maybe even all areas and therefore, they have to take their deficiency out on those that appear weaker than themselves. Somehow the physical size of a person denotes to another that they may be more knowledgeable than others. This may not be a true account, but why shouldn't it be? Otherwise, why would they have followers unless the followers are just as bad as the bully. In some cases, they are. Sometimes the victimized feel they will regain honor by striking back against the bully. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it exacerbates the issue. Sometimes the result is pernicious. Not only is the bully removed from the problem, but the problem of disrespect remains thereby being ostracized altogether so striking back didn't work either.
Many times we only perceive what others think of us. We don't actually know what others think of us until we interact with them. Our own perception becomes our enemy. When we do try to interact and win the influence of others, we try too hard and push our targets away even further. Maybe we have tried a technique at the influence of others, but our case is not the same as theirs and the conclusion turns out with a negative ending. Maybe we've tried a technique suggested by another because they are older and therefore wiser in the ways of the world. The consequence as it turns out was only so that the "wise" would have more strength in the area he was trying to acquire.
As is the case with my older sibling. Being that he never wanted a younger brother to start with since he had "it" all to himself for nine years, he was able to influence other members of the family, due to his stature, that I am just simply a horrible person. Having socialized with some of the other family members at one occasion, the conversation with them led me to believe that I was not too far from my feelings. I am never called on the phone by any of them. I am never so much as written a letter by any of them, I am not even so much as thought of even in that moment of strain in the bathroom. Even with my own daughter, I do not exist. She is simply the result of that entity that the Christian world follows called God. I have even found bullying in the Christian world, of which my ex-wife is so much a part of. Sometimes I wonder about our legal system and wonder why they feel the mother is so much better to keep the children with than the father, except for the sheer fact that the mother is the one whom bore these children. Bullying. It exists everywhere. It is in all walks of life, and it is masked by many different "faces". One just has to weave their way through this world like a pin ball machine. Sometimes it can become scarring. One can beat a child into submission. Eventually, those physical scars will go away. It's the emotional scarring that can trail on throughout our entire lives. Some of us can only suppress it for so long. Others have no release except to let explode as though it were the volcano Mt. Vesuvius. Even then, the innocent caught up in its path will be harmed in one manner or another, sometimes even death.
The best thing to do is find one single person that can be confided in and trusted. They are hard and few between. Release your emotions to them. Relinquish your thoughts to them. Let them help you find that area that is not so dark and cold. Few of us do that. Meditate. Some think that it is hokey to meditate. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Reaching that relaxing, emotional state can be satisfying. In the end, if you realize that sacrificing the relationship of others will be the difference between you having peace of mind or having constant turmoil in your life, then you must do what is needed if you desire that peace. Once it is done, don't look back. Don't revisit. All you do is reopen the wound. My father used to tell me that my best days would be in high school. Really? He grew up in a different age than I did. People I went to school with are a lot colder than when he went to school. The people he went to school with remained friends with him until the day he died. I, on the other hand, have been ostracized from any and all high school reunions. Why in the hell would I ever want to cherish those days. Some of them never quit. They try to contact me as though they were a long lost friend only so they could discover whether or not I am still alive. There was no respect then. I don't have respect now. Why in the hell do I want to go back. I have a peace in my life that can't be matched now. I have a satisfaction in my life that my even my brother hasn't been able to achieve. That's why he has even stolen the relationship of my daughter from me. If she, a practicing, devout Christian that she is, has forsaken her father in such a manner that I do not exist, if she is that mean and hateful of me, then I don't need that kind of relationship in my life if I want to achieve the peacefulness, the satisfaction, the love, and the caring that I have with my current wife.
Respect and honor. There is no more.
I feel that respect even with "commoners" has fallen by the wayside. There is no respect for the fellow man. The fellow man is taken for granted. The fellow man is always there, always in competition of something perceived, always an invasion to another's "territory". If there is one ounce of suspicion that more attention will be given to another, then the enemy shall be harassed, ridiculed, persecuted, and ostracized until they are removed from sight. As the old saying goes, "out of sight, out of mind". If the bully feels the least bit threatened, they will do whatever it is necessary to get rid of the imposer. The one being bullied only wishes to "move through the crowd" without confrontation. If they have to they will make things up so that they will gain the attention that they wish for nothing more than to be left alone. Some will find influence in the company of another level of society. All the victim of bullying is looking for is just a little respect from their peers. That's all. Just a little respect. Nothing more. The only reason that a person bullies another is because they feel deficient in one area or another, or maybe even all areas and therefore, they have to take their deficiency out on those that appear weaker than themselves. Somehow the physical size of a person denotes to another that they may be more knowledgeable than others. This may not be a true account, but why shouldn't it be? Otherwise, why would they have followers unless the followers are just as bad as the bully. In some cases, they are. Sometimes the victimized feel they will regain honor by striking back against the bully. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it exacerbates the issue. Sometimes the result is pernicious. Not only is the bully removed from the problem, but the problem of disrespect remains thereby being ostracized altogether so striking back didn't work either.
Many times we only perceive what others think of us. We don't actually know what others think of us until we interact with them. Our own perception becomes our enemy. When we do try to interact and win the influence of others, we try too hard and push our targets away even further. Maybe we have tried a technique at the influence of others, but our case is not the same as theirs and the conclusion turns out with a negative ending. Maybe we've tried a technique suggested by another because they are older and therefore wiser in the ways of the world. The consequence as it turns out was only so that the "wise" would have more strength in the area he was trying to acquire.
As is the case with my older sibling. Being that he never wanted a younger brother to start with since he had "it" all to himself for nine years, he was able to influence other members of the family, due to his stature, that I am just simply a horrible person. Having socialized with some of the other family members at one occasion, the conversation with them led me to believe that I was not too far from my feelings. I am never called on the phone by any of them. I am never so much as written a letter by any of them, I am not even so much as thought of even in that moment of strain in the bathroom. Even with my own daughter, I do not exist. She is simply the result of that entity that the Christian world follows called God. I have even found bullying in the Christian world, of which my ex-wife is so much a part of. Sometimes I wonder about our legal system and wonder why they feel the mother is so much better to keep the children with than the father, except for the sheer fact that the mother is the one whom bore these children. Bullying. It exists everywhere. It is in all walks of life, and it is masked by many different "faces". One just has to weave their way through this world like a pin ball machine. Sometimes it can become scarring. One can beat a child into submission. Eventually, those physical scars will go away. It's the emotional scarring that can trail on throughout our entire lives. Some of us can only suppress it for so long. Others have no release except to let explode as though it were the volcano Mt. Vesuvius. Even then, the innocent caught up in its path will be harmed in one manner or another, sometimes even death.
The best thing to do is find one single person that can be confided in and trusted. They are hard and few between. Release your emotions to them. Relinquish your thoughts to them. Let them help you find that area that is not so dark and cold. Few of us do that. Meditate. Some think that it is hokey to meditate. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Reaching that relaxing, emotional state can be satisfying. In the end, if you realize that sacrificing the relationship of others will be the difference between you having peace of mind or having constant turmoil in your life, then you must do what is needed if you desire that peace. Once it is done, don't look back. Don't revisit. All you do is reopen the wound. My father used to tell me that my best days would be in high school. Really? He grew up in a different age than I did. People I went to school with are a lot colder than when he went to school. The people he went to school with remained friends with him until the day he died. I, on the other hand, have been ostracized from any and all high school reunions. Why in the hell would I ever want to cherish those days. Some of them never quit. They try to contact me as though they were a long lost friend only so they could discover whether or not I am still alive. There was no respect then. I don't have respect now. Why in the hell do I want to go back. I have a peace in my life that can't be matched now. I have a satisfaction in my life that my even my brother hasn't been able to achieve. That's why he has even stolen the relationship of my daughter from me. If she, a practicing, devout Christian that she is, has forsaken her father in such a manner that I do not exist, if she is that mean and hateful of me, then I don't need that kind of relationship in my life if I want to achieve the peacefulness, the satisfaction, the love, and the caring that I have with my current wife.
Respect and honor. There is no more.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Ohio School Shooting Aftermath
After another senseless, thoughtless act of momentary selfishness of self satisfaction has taken place, and as I said before, it's like taking drugs, the satisfaction only lasts for a short period then it is over. The fallout begins.
It appears the family of T J Lane was so dis-functional that none of the immediate family could live together. T J had to live with his grandparents because the father was horribly destructive to others around him, including serving time in prison, and the mother was some sort of drug addict. The brother, from one news report is also a smack addict. There is only a mere mention of a sister. T J himself had already been arrested for assault once before; the apple not falling far from the tree.
It's children like this that fall short in life and need more than just help. Most reports on the above story are that he was a typical teenager. There was one or two fellow students saying that he was bullied. Bullied or not, that does not give him the right to release his anxiety, anger, and frustrations out on others. It's usually children that are singled out in school and bullied, but this does not seem the case here. It's children like this that the train keeps running for.
Had this boy been removed from the home sooner along with his other siblings, their life probably could have turned out more meaningful, more productive. It did seem from other reports that this boy seemed to be turned around once the grandparents gained custody, but at the same time, maybe T J saw himself "different" because he was living with "older" custodians. One never knows what goes on in the mind of a child or what they see unless we pry into the "business" of the child and do a "study". This is not a slap against the grandparents. I commend them for taking custody of their grandson when the parents could not possibly find themselves parenting.
Students in school don't realize what they do to another when they tease a fellow classmate. Some children can accept teasing. Teasing is good in one sense as it teaches us to become "thick skinned". However, there is teasing and there is ridiculing. Once or twice is teasing. Three or four times is harassing and any more than that is ridiculing. Once the ridiculing begins, the thought patterns in one's mind begin to change. With some only anger takes place. With others, anger takes on the form of hostility, and hostility turns to acts of violence. With the act of violence comes the destruction as we have witnessed in the news, not only this time, but time and time again. We need to find a way to break into all of this dis-functionality and correct it before it takes its toll on everyone. Far too many lives become destroyed whether its a little or a lot, whether its emotional or physical. Far too many lives are destroyed.
It appears the family of T J Lane was so dis-functional that none of the immediate family could live together. T J had to live with his grandparents because the father was horribly destructive to others around him, including serving time in prison, and the mother was some sort of drug addict. The brother, from one news report is also a smack addict. There is only a mere mention of a sister. T J himself had already been arrested for assault once before; the apple not falling far from the tree.
It's children like this that fall short in life and need more than just help. Most reports on the above story are that he was a typical teenager. There was one or two fellow students saying that he was bullied. Bullied or not, that does not give him the right to release his anxiety, anger, and frustrations out on others. It's usually children that are singled out in school and bullied, but this does not seem the case here. It's children like this that the train keeps running for.
Had this boy been removed from the home sooner along with his other siblings, their life probably could have turned out more meaningful, more productive. It did seem from other reports that this boy seemed to be turned around once the grandparents gained custody, but at the same time, maybe T J saw himself "different" because he was living with "older" custodians. One never knows what goes on in the mind of a child or what they see unless we pry into the "business" of the child and do a "study". This is not a slap against the grandparents. I commend them for taking custody of their grandson when the parents could not possibly find themselves parenting.
Students in school don't realize what they do to another when they tease a fellow classmate. Some children can accept teasing. Teasing is good in one sense as it teaches us to become "thick skinned". However, there is teasing and there is ridiculing. Once or twice is teasing. Three or four times is harassing and any more than that is ridiculing. Once the ridiculing begins, the thought patterns in one's mind begin to change. With some only anger takes place. With others, anger takes on the form of hostility, and hostility turns to acts of violence. With the act of violence comes the destruction as we have witnessed in the news, not only this time, but time and time again. We need to find a way to break into all of this dis-functionality and correct it before it takes its toll on everyone. Far too many lives become destroyed whether its a little or a lot, whether its emotional or physical. Far too many lives are destroyed.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Ohio School Shooting
This school shooting that happened on February 27 is exactly what this blog, what my book, "The Train Runs No More", refers to. It refers to children that are so disturbed by something in their life that they strike out with the only thing that comes to mind first without thinking about the consequences. Some of these children don't have a real positively influential parental figure in their life to start with. They can only observe what others have, what others do, and wish that they had that in their life. These kinds of children are nice up front. They are nice to talk to, some are polite, but rarely do they speak intimately of their life "away" from the everyday norm. The only parental figures in this poor kid's life committed spousal abuse against each other. The mother reportedly is a drug addict. The father, if he wasn't beating up the mother, he was assaulting another woman or a police officer. He had no close example to follow. He had been deemed a loner by news reports. Most likely he was a loner because he was embarrassed by the home life that he had. In his humiliation he didn't want to express such disappointment to his classmates. Who wants to hear about such negativity? He failed to find one true trustworthy person whom he could call a friend. He lived with his grandparents because he didn't have any place else to go. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, his grandparents probably did the best they knew how about raising a child again. At the same time, T J Lane, the kid, had to go to school with classmates that were living with their parents, not people that were much older practicing parenting. Maybe TJ was bothered by this. He was "different" from other students. Having no outlet about the goings on in his life, he expressed his thoughts by writing them down, but he probably didn't re-read them with an unbiased opinion to see what he could have done better or handled the situation better. Instead of confiding in one tangible person, he confided in a vast number of intangible people from Facebook. There is no closeness there. There is no intimacy there. There are no emotional responses from people that "see" from a different perspective there.
Some children fall victim to playing morbid video games where they shoot, maim, and kill people. These games are played so often by children that some fail to find the difference between fiction and reality. I am not blaming the video game producers. I play them myself. I enjoy them to no end, but there is a limit to everything. When these children are placed in real situations, it becomes hard for them to decipher which is real. To compound the issue, a high percentage of homes in America have to have a handgun for protection. Usually this handgun is kept within quick reach and kept loaded. The people serious about protection keep their handgun locked up somewhere so that when a situation does occur and usually at night, they have to leap from their bed, go unlock the safe, load the weapon, and by the time they have done that, they have been found by the perpetrator and assaulted or killed. Others just reach in the night stand by their bed, grab the gun and shoot from where they lay, or go find the perp, and when they see something move in the dark they shoot. More likely they have shot at the wrong person and as luck would have it, they killed the person they were shooting at and it was probably the wife whom heard a noise long before you even woke up and decided to investigate herself. Getting back to the poor, "disturbed" kid, this is where the gun was ascertained from and then taken to school.
One thing I have never been able to understand is the satisfaction of physically harming others. What satisfaction is gained from that kind of action? That kind of satisfaction is like taking drugs. It feels good only for the moment, but when the moment is over, you have to do it again. It doesn't last. What is gained by taking another innocent victim's life whom had no interaction in the "role" that these kids play? In my own life and experiences I have been backed into corners with no way out at times, but I have never resorted to taking the life of others. Maybe my own, but never others. Only at that last moment did realization take over, and yes, even "the hand of God" reached out and showed me that my life was more precious than I realized. For not being a "christian" or practicing Christianity, this was an astounding moment in my life. I have always thought about others before myself. I have always helped others before I helped myself. I always care for and about others before myself. It was at that moment that God reached out and asked me just to think about myself for just one moment and visualize what I was doing. I stopped in midstream of trying to take my life and I have been the happier for it. Although I still do not practice Christianity, nor do I even wish to promote it or any other religion, I do not take my life for granted nor anyone else's. Each life is precious, no matter how small a role in this vast, disappointing world that we live in. I do not take it for granted. To the dismay of others whom do not feel that or try as they might to keep me from having any importance in life, my retribution is that I have continued to live on where other classmates have passed away earlier in life from one of life's diseases. That is my Karma. That is their Karma and all it requires is just a little time and patience. For these kids, we must chip away at the ice that contains all that emotion. We must defuse the bomb that is ticking away inside. Become these kid's confidant. Help them. Invite them into our lives sometime. Throw water on the fire that is burning inside them and help them discover "things" from another perspective. As the old saying goes, "Two heads are better than one".
Now, more lives were taken than has been realized. Not only the injured students, the ones that have been killed, but also the innocent by standers, the witnesses, the survivors, the parents of the attending students, even TJ Lane himself. He may have been a "good" kid as described by one of his classmates, but now, he will be warehoused as "damaged goods" for the rest of his life. A kid with good grades in school that will never be able to amount to more than a hill of beans outside the joint. He will never see the outside again. So, rather than striking at the desired subject that he wanted to strike at, he misfired and caused more damage than can be realized. If people could only write down their emotions, put them down and come back and read them again when they reach a better frame of mind. Or, at least let a trustworthy friend that can be confided in and allow them to read them. If that could only be done, there is so much "pressure" that could be released, that one cannot realize the relief that can be gained.
Some children fall victim to playing morbid video games where they shoot, maim, and kill people. These games are played so often by children that some fail to find the difference between fiction and reality. I am not blaming the video game producers. I play them myself. I enjoy them to no end, but there is a limit to everything. When these children are placed in real situations, it becomes hard for them to decipher which is real. To compound the issue, a high percentage of homes in America have to have a handgun for protection. Usually this handgun is kept within quick reach and kept loaded. The people serious about protection keep their handgun locked up somewhere so that when a situation does occur and usually at night, they have to leap from their bed, go unlock the safe, load the weapon, and by the time they have done that, they have been found by the perpetrator and assaulted or killed. Others just reach in the night stand by their bed, grab the gun and shoot from where they lay, or go find the perp, and when they see something move in the dark they shoot. More likely they have shot at the wrong person and as luck would have it, they killed the person they were shooting at and it was probably the wife whom heard a noise long before you even woke up and decided to investigate herself. Getting back to the poor, "disturbed" kid, this is where the gun was ascertained from and then taken to school.
One thing I have never been able to understand is the satisfaction of physically harming others. What satisfaction is gained from that kind of action? That kind of satisfaction is like taking drugs. It feels good only for the moment, but when the moment is over, you have to do it again. It doesn't last. What is gained by taking another innocent victim's life whom had no interaction in the "role" that these kids play? In my own life and experiences I have been backed into corners with no way out at times, but I have never resorted to taking the life of others. Maybe my own, but never others. Only at that last moment did realization take over, and yes, even "the hand of God" reached out and showed me that my life was more precious than I realized. For not being a "christian" or practicing Christianity, this was an astounding moment in my life. I have always thought about others before myself. I have always helped others before I helped myself. I always care for and about others before myself. It was at that moment that God reached out and asked me just to think about myself for just one moment and visualize what I was doing. I stopped in midstream of trying to take my life and I have been the happier for it. Although I still do not practice Christianity, nor do I even wish to promote it or any other religion, I do not take my life for granted nor anyone else's. Each life is precious, no matter how small a role in this vast, disappointing world that we live in. I do not take it for granted. To the dismay of others whom do not feel that or try as they might to keep me from having any importance in life, my retribution is that I have continued to live on where other classmates have passed away earlier in life from one of life's diseases. That is my Karma. That is their Karma and all it requires is just a little time and patience. For these kids, we must chip away at the ice that contains all that emotion. We must defuse the bomb that is ticking away inside. Become these kid's confidant. Help them. Invite them into our lives sometime. Throw water on the fire that is burning inside them and help them discover "things" from another perspective. As the old saying goes, "Two heads are better than one".
Now, more lives were taken than has been realized. Not only the injured students, the ones that have been killed, but also the innocent by standers, the witnesses, the survivors, the parents of the attending students, even TJ Lane himself. He may have been a "good" kid as described by one of his classmates, but now, he will be warehoused as "damaged goods" for the rest of his life. A kid with good grades in school that will never be able to amount to more than a hill of beans outside the joint. He will never see the outside again. So, rather than striking at the desired subject that he wanted to strike at, he misfired and caused more damage than can be realized. If people could only write down their emotions, put them down and come back and read them again when they reach a better frame of mind. Or, at least let a trustworthy friend that can be confided in and allow them to read them. If that could only be done, there is so much "pressure" that could be released, that one cannot realize the relief that can be gained.
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