Sneaky People

Sneaky people are those that will do something that they don't want you to know about.  They will plot behind your back and smile to your face.  They will ask you questions that you wonder why they are asking only to find out later they that they needed more ammunition.  Once they have pulled off their plot or committed some act of evil against you that they think that you don't know about, they remove themselves from whatever entity they think you can look them up in.  I have what I call acquaintances, that have unlisted their telephone numbers from the phone company.  They have removed themselves from the different social networks.  They have gone to a lot of trouble to hide from those they have offended.  When they have done this, you know that they realize they have done something hideous to you and they are not man enough to face you.  They no longer have the balls to come out into the light.  Whereas, if you are a friend of mine and I tell you something that I don't like about what you are doing to me, if you are still my friend, you will stop the act that you are committing and remain my friend, understanding the fact that I didn't like your offense.  Those are true friends.  The ones that have been caught, admit it and then go away, never to return.  Good riddance.  Even my older sibling brother has removed himself from the white pages, has no visible social media page, and thinks I cannot locate his address in Little Rock, Arkansas.  Too bad for him.  With my access to "tools" on the internet, I have already found his address and the piece of shit house he lives in in Arkansas.  Arkansas.  The poorest state in the union and why anyone would want to move to the poorest state in the union is beyond me.  For my brother thinking that he is so well educated that he has to ridicule the very people he works around in the hospital he works at, if those people are so dumb and stupid as he says they are, why stay there?  If they are so poorly educated, why not take a stand and help to promote better education there?  It's so much easier to complain about something than it is to fix something.  It's so much easier to ridicule someone than it is to help them.  I haven't met a nurse yet that doesn't think they are better than anyone else walking in an upright position.  Most of my high school classmates have become unlisted as though they think I am going to find them up one day.  Who gives a rat's ass?  Why would I ever want to reminisce such a horrible experience in my life?  Why would anyone?  By the way, I found them all anyway.  Away from them, I have become a better person, enjoyed life more, appreciated people better, and am able to decide in a short span of time whether I want to accept a person or not.  All of those people have taught me a great lesson.  They have taught me how to read a person.  Too bad that all of those people are taking such a long time to die off.  The best Karma there is, is the fact that they are all dying off at a younger age than myself and I am continuing on enjoying life.  My only hope is that I can teach the younger ones how to handle all of the maltreatment that they receive.  I certainly don't need a degree or book sense to realize when I or anyone else is being treated badly.  My advice isn't professional by any means.  It is life's experience and how mean and cruel people can be to one another.  If you want a true and loyal friend that will be by your side through thick and thin, that can read you like no other, that will love you unconditionally, get a dog.  To find a mate that will love you unconditionally, those are far and few between.  I have finally found a mate that does just that and she and I have been together for over twenty years now.  Unconditional love.  That is what really matters.  She doesn't try to change me.  I don't try to change her.  She is my best friend and my go to person.  She is my person.  That is the mate one should try to find.  Not one just because you are lonely.  Why find one that treats you badly, rather than be alone?   I have never understood that.  That only tells me that someone is lacking in self respect.  Love one's self first, then love another.  When you begin to love yourself, then you begin to find the one that you want.

The Ohio School Shooting Aftermath

After another senseless, thoughtless act of momentary selfishness of self satisfaction has taken place, and as I said before, it's like taking drugs, the satisfaction only lasts for a short period then it is over.  The fallout begins.

It appears the family of T J Lane was so dis-functional that none of the immediate family could live together.  T J had to live with his grandparents because the father was horribly destructive to others around him, including serving time in prison, and the mother was some sort of drug addict.  The brother, from one news report is also a smack addict.  There is only a mere mention of a sister. T J himself had already been arrested for assault once before; the apple not falling far from the tree. 

It's children like this that fall short in life and need more than just help.  Most reports on the above story are that he was a typical teenager.  There was one or two fellow students saying that he was bullied.  Bullied or not, that does not give him the right to release his anxiety, anger, and frustrations out on others.  It's usually children that are singled out in school and bullied, but this does not seem the case here.  It's children like this that the train keeps running for.

Had this boy been removed from the home sooner along with his other siblings, their life probably could have turned out more meaningful, more productive.  It did seem from other reports that this boy seemed to be turned around once the grandparents gained custody, but at the same time, maybe T J saw himself "different" because he was living with "older" custodians.  One never knows what goes on in the mind of a child or what they see unless we pry into the "business" of the child and do a "study".  This is not a slap against the grandparents.  I commend them for taking custody of their grandson when the parents could not possibly find themselves parenting.

Students in school don't realize what they do to another when they tease a fellow classmate.  Some children can accept teasing.  Teasing is good in one sense as it teaches us to become "thick skinned".  However, there is teasing and there is ridiculing.  Once or twice is teasing.  Three or four times is harassing and any more than that is ridiculing.  Once the ridiculing begins, the thought patterns in one's mind begin to change.  With some only anger takes place.  With others, anger takes on the form of hostility, and hostility turns to acts of violence.  With the act of violence comes the destruction as we have witnessed in the news, not only this time, but time and time again.  We need to find a way to break into all of this dis-functionality and correct it before it takes its toll on everyone.  Far too many lives become destroyed whether its a little or a lot, whether its emotional or physical.  Far too many lives are destroyed.

Sibling Interaction

While working at the insurance company I had three days off each weekend.  To take up my time, I then would tend bar at a discotheque.  I managed to pick up women there and out to breakfast we would go after the bar closed.  From there, on to their apartment.  I was still learning how to approach women.  I knew how to get them in bed, I just didn't know how to keep one as a girl friend.  If I wasn't tending bar, then I would go to Houston for the weekend and party there.  For some peculiar reason, my brother had me stay with him.  I don't know why.  He always would ridicule me.  He never missed a beat.  But then, him living away from home now, maybe I was missing the ridicule.  Maybe my personality was missing the abuse and the only satisfaction I could find was to stay with him or find it in the beds of available women.  In any case, it seemed to be more pleasant for a while.  He managed to run into some nice women.  Some were rich and I would wonder why they chose him.  Some were with child and I would wonder why they chose him.  All were attractive.  Then he ran into one that was peculiar.  She wasn't very attractive.  She had short hair like a dyke and was different from all of the others.  I never will forget.  One Saturday morning, my brother and I were up talking with each other.  She had called to see if she could come over.  He told her I was there, but it didn't matter.  She could come anyway.  I had grown used to his jabs and I was now jabbing back.  When "dykelike" finally arrived, we were introduced and we sat and talked.  My brother had said something to me that I thought was a jab, so I answered back in likewise fashion.  After my answer I looked at her face.  She was glaring at me with such disapproval of my answer to him that I could see hate in her face.  From that point on, it was down hill from there.  Not only was my brother putting my parents down for the clothing they would wear, but also the furniture in their house, the cars they would drive, even the things my father would do to keep busy.  For a full description read The Train Runs No More.  Even she would join in and it wasn't her place to do so.  She always thought she was better than my parents or even me.  I don't know how.  She was doing harder drugs than I was at the time.  Two things my mother used to say:  "Water seeks its own level and when you play with trash it will fall in your eye every time".  How right she was.  Eventually, I found other interests and stopped going to Houston, not to mention I had quit the insurance business and found other employment.  I was still trying to find myself.  I did learn that with the ridicule that my brother had to offer, apparently he didn't like it when I began fighting back.  His disposition began to evolve. And my evolution was changing as well.  I did manage to learn to listen to people and if there was something about them that I didn't appreciate, that would be the last time I would be around them.  I have developed an uncanny ability to detect within thirty minutes of speaking with someone whether someone is worth their salt or not.

After High School

After getting out of high school, by that time I was not under constant ridicule by my older brother.  He had done like everyone else.  To move up in the world you leave San Antonio.  Move up in the world.  Is that what you call it when you leave a low wage paying city and move to a higher wage paying city?  He was still punching a clock.  Anyway, at that time, if one wanted to make more money, they would leave for Houston.  It's like not living at home, but your still within driving distance.  So, I was less apt to be ridiculed on a daily basis now.  Yet, I was still getting my feet wet on how best to approach women.  After a funky job here and there, I finally landed a job at the world's large insurance company in San Antonio.  It paid more than any other job I had found there.  It was also a place to have a real smorgasbord as described in The Train Runs No More.  At the time, it was probably seventy-six percent women and twenty-four percent men.  I had a hard time working there because there were so many good looking women there.  Most would wear clothes that they couldn't afford on the salary that they made.  Many were there in search of a husband.  Others were there to have more than their share.  Every once in a while, I would go down to the parking lot on my break time or lunch time.  I would see a car with a couple inside hammering it out.  Either the husband wasn't getting enough at home and find some extra there, or the wife wasn't too happy at home and she was giving some away at work.  Doesn't matter the situation, the smorgasbord was there, and a guy could take a real advantage of it if he wanted to.  The parking lot was nice and dark in places like a cavern, completely full, and rarely checked by the over paid security force there.  Plus it was convenient.  You could meet a woman there, take her to lunch or dinner there, and get some ass all while being at work.  The problem with that was, if anything happened, like someone getting pregnant, someone cheating on their spouse, or even more embarrassing than that, then that piece of news spread like wildfire, not just in the department, but it would go from one end of the building to the other.  It may as well have been printed in a news bulletin.  I also became a victim of that.  I ran into a beautiful Mexican girl there.  She and I began hammering right from the start.  You can draw your on conclusions as to what happened after.  I didn't know how to handle all the gossip and speculation, the ridicule and embarrassment, so I quit.  And I didn't get to continue with the girl either.  Probably better off.  As attractive as she was, she was still from the west side of San Antonio, where white people aren't supposed to get lost unless they are looking for trouble.  It's ridiculously poor there, and strictly Mexican.  No whites allowed.  Digressing back, if one were looking for a spouse, or looking for some strange, that insurance company would be the one to work at.  It was a city all to itself, with entertainment, every once in a while one could buy their average clothing there, have their meals there, child care, it was all there.  I wasn't able to handle the ridicule though.  So, I left.