It's Only My Humble Opinion

I want to point out the fact that I am a professor of nothing.  As I have stated before, I have performed no scientific studies.  I have taken no particular surveys.  I have only performed my own personal observations, and have formed my own humble opinion.  I have run into situations, stopped and looked at the situation and have asked myself why.  Then I began to look at others and "watch" for answers.  But, I was trying to compare apples to oranges and the results weren't "true" results.

You have raised a child for years, five years, seven years, nine years.  Both parents "ogled" over their child from birth, celebrating their child's birthdays with their friends, taking their child to Disneyland, Sixflags, Universal Studios, presenting them with toys, and entertainment of all kinds, even being admired and appreciated by the friends and relatives of the parents. The Easter Bunny only has to visit one basket, and Santa Claus only has one choice of a plate of cookies to choose from.  Life is wonderful. Then one find day another child comes along.  The first child has "had it all to himself/herself" all these years.  Now, there's an invasion.  An invasion to the presentation to Santa Claus.  The Easter Bunny has to bring an extra load of eggs.  Half the toys at Christmas now belong to somebody else.  Attention from the parents is now being divided between the older and the younger child.  The older child doesn't get all of the admiration of others that they used to get.  The older child has been to school long enough to "learn reason".  They have been to school long enough to know how to manipulate.  We try to teach acceptance.  They have acquired something that we all try to teach our children not to do-hate.  Few are taught what selfishness is.  Few parents recognize what selfishness is.  In some cases selfishness can coexist with hate.  None of this means that the parents love the older child any less than the "newer" younger child.  It's just different.  It has to be different in order to bring the younger child up in the world.  But in the eyes of the older child, it is not viewed this way.  Their territory has now been invaded by an uninvited guest.  No matter how much time has been spent preparing the older child for a new member to the family, the physical presence is not realized until it happens.

This is something that must be contemplated.  Parents should realize what the results of such a situation might be.  Not that that will be.  Again, this is no scientific study.  This is something that should be discussed between the parents to see if they really want to do this.  This is not about abortion.  That discussion is for another blog and not mine.  Each individual has their own situation and all of America can not decide for an individual what is best for them because they are not in that situation and this is an argument that will go on until the end of time.  This blog is not the place for that.  My discussion is only the results that have occurred in my family and the discoveries that I have made.  One discovery that I have made is that I was a mistake.  It was unfortunate for my parents that they were going to have another child and especially so many years later, but they never thought twice about it.  It happened.  I happened and they made the best of it.  However, I don't think my sibling brother has ever made the best of it.  It has been trying most of my life with my brother.  With my friends and acquaintances that have siblings, there are maybe one or two years apart from each other and life is wonderful for them even into their elder years.  That has not been the case in mine.  I have paid dearly all these years.  Only now am I able to look back at the mine field and decipher where I should have done this or should have done that and maybe life would not have turned out the way it has.  I have also learned that one cannot change the mindset of the other.  Each has to do it on their own, and they have to make their own decisions.  How much pain does one want to endure?  How much conflict does one want to continue with?  Just as my ex-wife has asked me once, "If life is so bad for you, then why don't you just kill yourself?"  Her statement was then followed up with, "At least I will get the insurance money and live better".  She did make me stop and think if I was really "seeing" everything in a negative way.  However, the company I worked for at the time covered their employees with a ten thousand dollar life insurance policy.  Ten thousand dollars.  Is that all it takes for her to live "better"?  Ten thousand dollars"?  Really?  And then insurances don't pay if there is death by suicide.  For that, I should have gotten out a long time ago.  Maybe it would have cost me less after all this time.  She has hoped that I would commit suicide ever since.  And somehow she has also been able to "charm" my older brother as well.  That couldn't have been too hard though since he has hated my very existence from birth.  He has interfered with my relationship with my children ever since the divorce and now my ex-wife has gotten exactly what she had hoped for.  She hoped for the longest time that my children would never see me again.  They haven't.  For minds that weak that they can't see through the smoke and mirrors, I have to let all of that go if I want to have a more satisfying, fulfilling life.  If I have to make sacrifices just for me to go through life without depression, so be it.  There are some lyrics by John Lennon that state:

 "You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
For people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait"

The only time my daughter contacted me was to ask for a contribution to go to Europe so that she could pray for a bunch of hookers in Germany that chose to be in that profession.  She hadn't seen me for two or three years by that time and then she sent me an email asking for a contribution.  No phone call.  Just an email.  She can't visit with her father, but she can go to Europe for the benefit of some hookers?  You must be kidding me.  Needless to say, I did not contribute and she has not spoken to me since, so the Missions to the Netherlands in my humble opinion with have to wait.

Research before bringing another child into the "world" so far apart from the next oldest child.  Find out what the repercussions are of having children so far apart.  Are you willing to endure the headaches and tolerances they you will have to go through or present you with?  Are you so special that you will be able to make smooth the paths between the two?  Are you willing to do this until the day you die?  My mother had to die with me being prevented from hearing her last words or even being allowed to attend her funeral services.  She had to die with her family in shambles.  It's only my humble opinion.

Interaction

I have done no scientific studies on the subject. No public surveys.  I have only had personal observations of others.  Usually, if there are siblings in the family there is some form of interaction.  I don't know about others whom had only two sibling children in the family and one being many years older than the other.  I just know in this one, there was very little or no interaction except for a sarcastic put down from the older brother all the time.  I can count the number of times on one hand I was included in a game with other neighborhood kids and he was involved.  I always heard from the kids I was growing up with, "My older brother this.  My older brother that."  I was never lucky enough to report that.  I was only lucky enough to be observant of the things he would do that our parents didn't appreciate.  He would get the hell spanked out of him with a belt and then when it was my turn I would tell myself, "I don't want any part of that shit!"  So, I wouldn't do it.  By not doing "it" whatever "it" was, I guess that made me the "weaker"of the two and he always seemed to bully me around and just take over.  He felt it was his duty to take over.  If he didn't think something was being dealt with the way he thought it should be dealt with, then he would take over and take care of it himself.  Even to this day, because my ex-wife didn't get what she thought she should get out of a marriage and therefore divorced me, she told me she would make sure that I never saw my children again.  After the divorce, she, in her sweet, southern charm, pleaded with my older brother and he took over the rearing of my children offering them money when I did not.  Taking them on skiing trips when I did not.  Being that I knew the vengeance of my ex-wife, by the laws of the court, I made sure I saw my children every chance I could.  When I was not able to see them because of some "excuse" that was created, yet they had the audacity to ask me for money, I simply explained that I was not paying them to stay away.  If they wanted to come and talk with me face to face about their need for money, I would be willing to meet with them.  That never happened.  Always, my older brother came through for them.  So, now I no longer exist to my children.  I have no patience for that kind of weakness.  If they don't want to come see me as long as I choose not to hand out money to them, I guess they don't need to be around me.  I paid my child/spousal support.  By that, I mean when I paid my child support, it went to the ex-wife and the buck stopped there.  The money did not necessarily  make it on to the children.  But my ex-wife sure as hell always had new jewelry on, or new make up, or new clothing, while my children got clothing made by her hand that I wouldn't even buy at K-Mart.  But, I have digressed from the point.  To this day, the old bro and I have no interaction what so ever.  For a better description, The Train Runs No More. These were the joys of having an older brother.