I know of a couple with two children. When we go to visit with them, the moment we step through the door there is this noise in the home. The noise sounds as though there is a crowd of people in there. There is the television blaring in the background because it can't be heard over the noise. There is a stereo in another room turned on trying to drown out the noise of the "crowd" and be heard over the television, and then there is our noise of greetings and salutations trying to be heard over all of the combined noise. At that moment it simply sounds like a dull roar. Just how Walter Cronkite used to end his evening news report, "And that's the way it is". All of the time.
Every year we get together with all of our close friends that live a bit of a distance away, including the couple referred to above. We get together to watch a special program that comes on once a year. This year I noticed one of the husbands of one of our other friends was pretty much standing through the entire program, close to one of the speakers connected to the television. I began taking note as to why. The couple with the two children, their children were making so much noise that the television could not be heard. There was an additional child of another guest that was playing with the children and whom also was as noisy as the other two children only because that child had someone to play with amongst all of the adults there. I sat and looked around and listened. Pretty much all of the adults were paying attention to the programming, concentrating on what could be heard from the television. There was some minor conversation going, but that was comments about what was being shown. The noise was mainly coming from the children and as the volume of the television increased for the courtesy of our guests, so did the volume of the children. I had turned to the mother of the two older children and I commented on the husband standing so close to the speaker as though he were trying to listen to the program. She replied that he was trying to hear the program. She said they have the same problem in their home. They can't hear the television no matter how loud it gets because of the noise of the children and what is on the television is never any adult programming. They have two televisions and neither of them can they watch because the moment they sit down to watch television the children gravitate in there with them but don't watch nor do they listen, but the television can't be heard because of the noise being heard from the children. They haven't even watched the news for years. As a test, I asked her about something what happened on Desperate Housewives. She was not aware of the program because they weren't able to sit down and watch television. They simply can't hear it. She went on to tell me that during the evening hours, every light in the house is turned on lighting it up like a Christmas tree because the children just can't enter a dark room. They aren't afraid of the dark. The light just has to be on. While speaking with her, one of the children came over during our conversation and complained that we did not have our light on in the kitchen. The mother did have the gumption to explain that we are in someone else's home and here we don't have all the lights home. The child started to react negatively and the mother told her that if they had to, they could go sit in the truck until they decided to leave, but the lights will stay off because that is the way we want it in our home. The child turned to me as if to ask if the light could be turned on and my immediate reply was to leave it off since there was no reason to have it on in an area where no one was. She turned and walked back to play with the other children. I don't cater to ill behavior by children and I don't cater to ill behavior by adults. The mother went on to explain that pretty much their house is run by the children and they cater to their needs. So as far as doing "adult" things, that is out of the question.
One thing to note in this is that the older child has been diagnosed with autism. Now, I have seen children diagnosed with autism that will not recognize who stands before them. Sometimes they will sit in a place and rock, or they will sit in a corner and rock endlessly because it makes them feel comfortable and safe. I have also seen them with autism so bad that they have to wear helmets to keep them from harming themselves when they run head first into a wall. This child, if the child has autism, is not that bad. What I feel the child has is a severe case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. What makes it worse is the parents cater to the child's wants and rarely lift a finger of correction to her except to take her to a school of special needs. What the child really needs is to be told, "No" once in awhile and as crushing as that may sound to the child, the child needs to be put in their place instead of directing the parents as to what to do. This is a very young child now. I hate to see what happens when they become an educated teenager. Already, I can sit by and watch the situations between mother and child or father and child and I can tell that this child knows exactly what button to push and at what time to push it. In the end, she gets what she wants. She may have to work at it a little longer than at other times, but eventually she gets what she wants when all along, if that was going to be the end result the parents should have just immediately said, "Yes".
Cater. I don't cater. I don't cater to nobody. If I see something that is unreasonable, I don't give in unless there will be a positive result. Some parents are afraid to simply say "No!". Some parents will allow their child to sit in their lap on a flight somewhere and kick the back of the sit in front of them THE WHOLE FREAKIN' FLIGHT! Those are the parents that I would like to just turn around in my seat, reach down the parents throat, grab them by the asshole and rip it back through their mouth. This was at a time before 9/11 and people were not so annoyed, but this no longer is tolerated because the flight attendants will not tolerate any kind of violent reaction on board anymore. Lucky for me.
I was raised with corporal punishment. If I did something wrong, the infraction was weighed with the level of punishment to be doled out. If the infraction deemed corporal punishment, then either I got spanked with a hand or a belt and nothing more. It only took one or two swats before I decided that I would not be performing that infraction again. So, pretty much, I grew up a good boy until I got "educated". Then I had to get myself out of my own trouble. Parents today are even afraid to say no. They won't lift a finger toward the child because they don't want to crush the child's esteem. Or, they may cause brain damage if they receive a swat. If a swat on the bottom may cause brain damage, that child has a lot more trouble going on for it than just to follow instruction. There's always a time for using a corporal punishment and not every infraction should be dealt with using corporal punishment otherwise it becomes useless. At the same time, when using corporal punishment, that is not to say stand there and whip the child like an impudent horse. I can't stand it when I hear of a child being beat by a parent. That parent needs to be taken out behind the wood shed and be educated himself. There is always reasonable punishment to fit the crime.
Getting back to the noise, all children make noise. I don't mind it. But when it becomes so loud that it begins to interfere, then they need to take it some place else, play more quietly, or not at all. We can be reasonable. I like to watch children play and have a good time because I try to see things through their eyes. I try to envision what they see before I became educated. I'm sure, as adults, we all miss that time before responsibility became a way of life. But why allow the inmates to run the asylum?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Everybody Must Get Stoned
To borrow a chorus from a tremendously great balladeer, Bob Dylan from his song, "Rainy Day Women",
Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone
They’ll stone you when you are walking home
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
There is so much truth to this song, but it's not just referring to women, although this has taken place with my ex-wife. It will come from all those that you grew up with that were jealous of you for this reason or that. Their jealousy and insecurities became such that they had to pick on you, harass you, persecute you, and ostracize you. It might even come from your own siblings. You might be made to feel like you are the bad seed, the little chick in the nest that needs to be pushed out of the nest to the ground and wither away. With some it will last for a short period. With some it will last a while. Others, it will last a life time. Yes, friends, everybody must get stoned.
So, I have walked alone. I have entertained myself and have depended upon no one for my entertainment. I have been self supporting and even attained a six figure salary at one time doing laboring work like being an aircraft mechanic. But after awhile I just got tired of being a gypsy, moving from one place to another, so that I could stay in the aircraft field and at that salary. Oh, I landed a job with this corporation or that for awhile, until a layoff would come. That would be because of something peculiar with the economy. If I wanted to stay in that salary range, then I would have to move where I could land the next aircraft job. That was part of the reason for my first marriage to become so disrupted. The constant moving. I stayed in the field after the divorce because where else am I going to find that kind of money to pay my child support? I am one of those fathers that is responsible for those whom he brought into the world. But then, when the money came to a halt, so did the relationship from the children. They were legally bound by the court to continue my visitation, but after that, no longer legally bound and the mother knew that and she made damned sure that she made that impression upon the children. I have not seen them since. If it has not been mentioned before in this blog, but mentioned in my book, you have to remember that the mother also had ADHD. She was just able to hide it from me very well. My son also has ADHD. Both are focused only on what is important to them and them only. If anyone gets in the way of their focus, they become mean and hateful, and everyone else becomes the villain because everyone else is wrong except for them. Yes. Everybody must get stoned. This will last even when I am set down in my grave. For my brother, whom is nine years older than myself, if by the graces of God, I expire first, I wouldn't be surprised if he came to my grave and pissed on it. That's how much my brother cares about his little brother. Everybody must get stoned.
Well, they’ll stone you when you walk all alone
They’ll stone you when you are walking home
They’ll stone you and then say you are brave
They’ll stone you when you are set down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
There is so much truth to this song, but it's not just referring to women, although this has taken place with my ex-wife. It will come from all those that you grew up with that were jealous of you for this reason or that. Their jealousy and insecurities became such that they had to pick on you, harass you, persecute you, and ostracize you. It might even come from your own siblings. You might be made to feel like you are the bad seed, the little chick in the nest that needs to be pushed out of the nest to the ground and wither away. With some it will last for a short period. With some it will last a while. Others, it will last a life time. Yes, friends, everybody must get stoned.
So, I have walked alone. I have entertained myself and have depended upon no one for my entertainment. I have been self supporting and even attained a six figure salary at one time doing laboring work like being an aircraft mechanic. But after awhile I just got tired of being a gypsy, moving from one place to another, so that I could stay in the aircraft field and at that salary. Oh, I landed a job with this corporation or that for awhile, until a layoff would come. That would be because of something peculiar with the economy. If I wanted to stay in that salary range, then I would have to move where I could land the next aircraft job. That was part of the reason for my first marriage to become so disrupted. The constant moving. I stayed in the field after the divorce because where else am I going to find that kind of money to pay my child support? I am one of those fathers that is responsible for those whom he brought into the world. But then, when the money came to a halt, so did the relationship from the children. They were legally bound by the court to continue my visitation, but after that, no longer legally bound and the mother knew that and she made damned sure that she made that impression upon the children. I have not seen them since. If it has not been mentioned before in this blog, but mentioned in my book, you have to remember that the mother also had ADHD. She was just able to hide it from me very well. My son also has ADHD. Both are focused only on what is important to them and them only. If anyone gets in the way of their focus, they become mean and hateful, and everyone else becomes the villain because everyone else is wrong except for them. Yes. Everybody must get stoned. This will last even when I am set down in my grave. For my brother, whom is nine years older than myself, if by the graces of God, I expire first, I wouldn't be surprised if he came to my grave and pissed on it. That's how much my brother cares about his little brother. Everybody must get stoned.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Respect and Honor
I was watching The Last Samuri one day. It's a story of total and undeniable respect for a hated enemy; an enemy (Katsumoto) that does not want to accept the influence of the west upon traditional Japan. Although Katsumoto is the enemy and ordered to be killed by the imperial soldiers, he still commands the respect of the imperial soldiers under the command of the Imperial Emperor of Japan, although the control of the Imperial Emperor is weak. As Katsumoto lies dying in the field of battle, all of the attacking soldiers of the "new" Japan laid down their weapons, crouched to the ground and kneeled, placing their forehead all the way to the ground showing great honor and great respect.
I feel that respect even with "commoners" has fallen by the wayside. There is no respect for the fellow man. The fellow man is taken for granted. The fellow man is always there, always in competition of something perceived, always an invasion to another's "territory". If there is one ounce of suspicion that more attention will be given to another, then the enemy shall be harassed, ridiculed, persecuted, and ostracized until they are removed from sight. As the old saying goes, "out of sight, out of mind". If the bully feels the least bit threatened, they will do whatever it is necessary to get rid of the imposer. The one being bullied only wishes to "move through the crowd" without confrontation. If they have to they will make things up so that they will gain the attention that they wish for nothing more than to be left alone. Some will find influence in the company of another level of society. All the victim of bullying is looking for is just a little respect from their peers. That's all. Just a little respect. Nothing more. The only reason that a person bullies another is because they feel deficient in one area or another, or maybe even all areas and therefore, they have to take their deficiency out on those that appear weaker than themselves. Somehow the physical size of a person denotes to another that they may be more knowledgeable than others. This may not be a true account, but why shouldn't it be? Otherwise, why would they have followers unless the followers are just as bad as the bully. In some cases, they are. Sometimes the victimized feel they will regain honor by striking back against the bully. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it exacerbates the issue. Sometimes the result is pernicious. Not only is the bully removed from the problem, but the problem of disrespect remains thereby being ostracized altogether so striking back didn't work either.
Many times we only perceive what others think of us. We don't actually know what others think of us until we interact with them. Our own perception becomes our enemy. When we do try to interact and win the influence of others, we try too hard and push our targets away even further. Maybe we have tried a technique at the influence of others, but our case is not the same as theirs and the conclusion turns out with a negative ending. Maybe we've tried a technique suggested by another because they are older and therefore wiser in the ways of the world. The consequence as it turns out was only so that the "wise" would have more strength in the area he was trying to acquire.
As is the case with my older sibling. Being that he never wanted a younger brother to start with since he had "it" all to himself for nine years, he was able to influence other members of the family, due to his stature, that I am just simply a horrible person. Having socialized with some of the other family members at one occasion, the conversation with them led me to believe that I was not too far from my feelings. I am never called on the phone by any of them. I am never so much as written a letter by any of them, I am not even so much as thought of even in that moment of strain in the bathroom. Even with my own daughter, I do not exist. She is simply the result of that entity that the Christian world follows called God. I have even found bullying in the Christian world, of which my ex-wife is so much a part of. Sometimes I wonder about our legal system and wonder why they feel the mother is so much better to keep the children with than the father, except for the sheer fact that the mother is the one whom bore these children. Bullying. It exists everywhere. It is in all walks of life, and it is masked by many different "faces". One just has to weave their way through this world like a pin ball machine. Sometimes it can become scarring. One can beat a child into submission. Eventually, those physical scars will go away. It's the emotional scarring that can trail on throughout our entire lives. Some of us can only suppress it for so long. Others have no release except to let explode as though it were the volcano Mt. Vesuvius. Even then, the innocent caught up in its path will be harmed in one manner or another, sometimes even death.
The best thing to do is find one single person that can be confided in and trusted. They are hard and few between. Release your emotions to them. Relinquish your thoughts to them. Let them help you find that area that is not so dark and cold. Few of us do that. Meditate. Some think that it is hokey to meditate. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Reaching that relaxing, emotional state can be satisfying. In the end, if you realize that sacrificing the relationship of others will be the difference between you having peace of mind or having constant turmoil in your life, then you must do what is needed if you desire that peace. Once it is done, don't look back. Don't revisit. All you do is reopen the wound. My father used to tell me that my best days would be in high school. Really? He grew up in a different age than I did. People I went to school with are a lot colder than when he went to school. The people he went to school with remained friends with him until the day he died. I, on the other hand, have been ostracized from any and all high school reunions. Why in the hell would I ever want to cherish those days. Some of them never quit. They try to contact me as though they were a long lost friend only so they could discover whether or not I am still alive. There was no respect then. I don't have respect now. Why in the hell do I want to go back. I have a peace in my life that can't be matched now. I have a satisfaction in my life that my even my brother hasn't been able to achieve. That's why he has even stolen the relationship of my daughter from me. If she, a practicing, devout Christian that she is, has forsaken her father in such a manner that I do not exist, if she is that mean and hateful of me, then I don't need that kind of relationship in my life if I want to achieve the peacefulness, the satisfaction, the love, and the caring that I have with my current wife.
Respect and honor. There is no more.
I feel that respect even with "commoners" has fallen by the wayside. There is no respect for the fellow man. The fellow man is taken for granted. The fellow man is always there, always in competition of something perceived, always an invasion to another's "territory". If there is one ounce of suspicion that more attention will be given to another, then the enemy shall be harassed, ridiculed, persecuted, and ostracized until they are removed from sight. As the old saying goes, "out of sight, out of mind". If the bully feels the least bit threatened, they will do whatever it is necessary to get rid of the imposer. The one being bullied only wishes to "move through the crowd" without confrontation. If they have to they will make things up so that they will gain the attention that they wish for nothing more than to be left alone. Some will find influence in the company of another level of society. All the victim of bullying is looking for is just a little respect from their peers. That's all. Just a little respect. Nothing more. The only reason that a person bullies another is because they feel deficient in one area or another, or maybe even all areas and therefore, they have to take their deficiency out on those that appear weaker than themselves. Somehow the physical size of a person denotes to another that they may be more knowledgeable than others. This may not be a true account, but why shouldn't it be? Otherwise, why would they have followers unless the followers are just as bad as the bully. In some cases, they are. Sometimes the victimized feel they will regain honor by striking back against the bully. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it exacerbates the issue. Sometimes the result is pernicious. Not only is the bully removed from the problem, but the problem of disrespect remains thereby being ostracized altogether so striking back didn't work either.
Many times we only perceive what others think of us. We don't actually know what others think of us until we interact with them. Our own perception becomes our enemy. When we do try to interact and win the influence of others, we try too hard and push our targets away even further. Maybe we have tried a technique at the influence of others, but our case is not the same as theirs and the conclusion turns out with a negative ending. Maybe we've tried a technique suggested by another because they are older and therefore wiser in the ways of the world. The consequence as it turns out was only so that the "wise" would have more strength in the area he was trying to acquire.
As is the case with my older sibling. Being that he never wanted a younger brother to start with since he had "it" all to himself for nine years, he was able to influence other members of the family, due to his stature, that I am just simply a horrible person. Having socialized with some of the other family members at one occasion, the conversation with them led me to believe that I was not too far from my feelings. I am never called on the phone by any of them. I am never so much as written a letter by any of them, I am not even so much as thought of even in that moment of strain in the bathroom. Even with my own daughter, I do not exist. She is simply the result of that entity that the Christian world follows called God. I have even found bullying in the Christian world, of which my ex-wife is so much a part of. Sometimes I wonder about our legal system and wonder why they feel the mother is so much better to keep the children with than the father, except for the sheer fact that the mother is the one whom bore these children. Bullying. It exists everywhere. It is in all walks of life, and it is masked by many different "faces". One just has to weave their way through this world like a pin ball machine. Sometimes it can become scarring. One can beat a child into submission. Eventually, those physical scars will go away. It's the emotional scarring that can trail on throughout our entire lives. Some of us can only suppress it for so long. Others have no release except to let explode as though it were the volcano Mt. Vesuvius. Even then, the innocent caught up in its path will be harmed in one manner or another, sometimes even death.
The best thing to do is find one single person that can be confided in and trusted. They are hard and few between. Release your emotions to them. Relinquish your thoughts to them. Let them help you find that area that is not so dark and cold. Few of us do that. Meditate. Some think that it is hokey to meditate. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Reaching that relaxing, emotional state can be satisfying. In the end, if you realize that sacrificing the relationship of others will be the difference between you having peace of mind or having constant turmoil in your life, then you must do what is needed if you desire that peace. Once it is done, don't look back. Don't revisit. All you do is reopen the wound. My father used to tell me that my best days would be in high school. Really? He grew up in a different age than I did. People I went to school with are a lot colder than when he went to school. The people he went to school with remained friends with him until the day he died. I, on the other hand, have been ostracized from any and all high school reunions. Why in the hell would I ever want to cherish those days. Some of them never quit. They try to contact me as though they were a long lost friend only so they could discover whether or not I am still alive. There was no respect then. I don't have respect now. Why in the hell do I want to go back. I have a peace in my life that can't be matched now. I have a satisfaction in my life that my even my brother hasn't been able to achieve. That's why he has even stolen the relationship of my daughter from me. If she, a practicing, devout Christian that she is, has forsaken her father in such a manner that I do not exist, if she is that mean and hateful of me, then I don't need that kind of relationship in my life if I want to achieve the peacefulness, the satisfaction, the love, and the caring that I have with my current wife.
Respect and honor. There is no more.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Ohio School Shooting Aftermath
After another senseless, thoughtless act of momentary selfishness of self satisfaction has taken place, and as I said before, it's like taking drugs, the satisfaction only lasts for a short period then it is over. The fallout begins.
It appears the family of T J Lane was so dis-functional that none of the immediate family could live together. T J had to live with his grandparents because the father was horribly destructive to others around him, including serving time in prison, and the mother was some sort of drug addict. The brother, from one news report is also a smack addict. There is only a mere mention of a sister. T J himself had already been arrested for assault once before; the apple not falling far from the tree.
It's children like this that fall short in life and need more than just help. Most reports on the above story are that he was a typical teenager. There was one or two fellow students saying that he was bullied. Bullied or not, that does not give him the right to release his anxiety, anger, and frustrations out on others. It's usually children that are singled out in school and bullied, but this does not seem the case here. It's children like this that the train keeps running for.
Had this boy been removed from the home sooner along with his other siblings, their life probably could have turned out more meaningful, more productive. It did seem from other reports that this boy seemed to be turned around once the grandparents gained custody, but at the same time, maybe T J saw himself "different" because he was living with "older" custodians. One never knows what goes on in the mind of a child or what they see unless we pry into the "business" of the child and do a "study". This is not a slap against the grandparents. I commend them for taking custody of their grandson when the parents could not possibly find themselves parenting.
Students in school don't realize what they do to another when they tease a fellow classmate. Some children can accept teasing. Teasing is good in one sense as it teaches us to become "thick skinned". However, there is teasing and there is ridiculing. Once or twice is teasing. Three or four times is harassing and any more than that is ridiculing. Once the ridiculing begins, the thought patterns in one's mind begin to change. With some only anger takes place. With others, anger takes on the form of hostility, and hostility turns to acts of violence. With the act of violence comes the destruction as we have witnessed in the news, not only this time, but time and time again. We need to find a way to break into all of this dis-functionality and correct it before it takes its toll on everyone. Far too many lives become destroyed whether its a little or a lot, whether its emotional or physical. Far too many lives are destroyed.
It appears the family of T J Lane was so dis-functional that none of the immediate family could live together. T J had to live with his grandparents because the father was horribly destructive to others around him, including serving time in prison, and the mother was some sort of drug addict. The brother, from one news report is also a smack addict. There is only a mere mention of a sister. T J himself had already been arrested for assault once before; the apple not falling far from the tree.
It's children like this that fall short in life and need more than just help. Most reports on the above story are that he was a typical teenager. There was one or two fellow students saying that he was bullied. Bullied or not, that does not give him the right to release his anxiety, anger, and frustrations out on others. It's usually children that are singled out in school and bullied, but this does not seem the case here. It's children like this that the train keeps running for.
Had this boy been removed from the home sooner along with his other siblings, their life probably could have turned out more meaningful, more productive. It did seem from other reports that this boy seemed to be turned around once the grandparents gained custody, but at the same time, maybe T J saw himself "different" because he was living with "older" custodians. One never knows what goes on in the mind of a child or what they see unless we pry into the "business" of the child and do a "study". This is not a slap against the grandparents. I commend them for taking custody of their grandson when the parents could not possibly find themselves parenting.
Students in school don't realize what they do to another when they tease a fellow classmate. Some children can accept teasing. Teasing is good in one sense as it teaches us to become "thick skinned". However, there is teasing and there is ridiculing. Once or twice is teasing. Three or four times is harassing and any more than that is ridiculing. Once the ridiculing begins, the thought patterns in one's mind begin to change. With some only anger takes place. With others, anger takes on the form of hostility, and hostility turns to acts of violence. With the act of violence comes the destruction as we have witnessed in the news, not only this time, but time and time again. We need to find a way to break into all of this dis-functionality and correct it before it takes its toll on everyone. Far too many lives become destroyed whether its a little or a lot, whether its emotional or physical. Far too many lives are destroyed.
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