I was watching The Last Samuri one day. It's a story of total and undeniable respect for a hated enemy; an enemy (Katsumoto) that does not want to accept the influence of the west upon traditional Japan. Although Katsumoto is the enemy and ordered to be killed by the imperial soldiers, he still commands the respect of the imperial soldiers under the command of the Imperial Emperor of Japan, although the control of the Imperial Emperor is weak. As Katsumoto lies dying in the field of battle, all of the attacking soldiers of the "new" Japan laid down their weapons, crouched to the ground and kneeled, placing their forehead all the way to the ground showing great honor and great respect.
I feel that respect even with "commoners" has fallen by the wayside. There is no respect for the fellow man. The fellow man is taken for granted. The fellow man is always there, always in competition of something perceived, always an invasion to another's "territory". If there is one ounce of suspicion that more attention will be given to another, then the enemy shall be harassed, ridiculed, persecuted, and ostracized until they are removed from sight. As the old saying goes, "out of sight, out of mind". If the bully feels the least bit threatened, they will do whatever it is necessary to get rid of the imposer. The one being bullied only wishes to "move through the crowd" without confrontation. If they have to they will make things up so that they will gain the attention that they wish for nothing more than to be left alone. Some will find influence in the company of another level of society. All the victim of bullying is looking for is just a little respect from their peers. That's all. Just a little respect. Nothing more. The only reason that a person bullies another is because they feel deficient in one area or another, or maybe even all areas and therefore, they have to take their deficiency out on those that appear weaker than themselves. Somehow the physical size of a person denotes to another that they may be more knowledgeable than others. This may not be a true account, but why shouldn't it be? Otherwise, why would they have followers unless the followers are just as bad as the bully. In some cases, they are. Sometimes the victimized feel they will regain honor by striking back against the bully. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it exacerbates the issue. Sometimes the result is pernicious. Not only is the bully removed from the problem, but the problem of disrespect remains thereby being ostracized altogether so striking back didn't work either.
Many times we only perceive what others think of us. We don't actually know what others think of us until we interact with them. Our own perception becomes our enemy. When we do try to interact and win the influence of others, we try too hard and push our targets away even further. Maybe we have tried a technique at the influence of others, but our case is not the same as theirs and the conclusion turns out with a negative ending. Maybe we've tried a technique suggested by another because they are older and therefore wiser in the ways of the world. The consequence as it turns out was only so that the "wise" would have more strength in the area he was trying to acquire.
As is the case with my older sibling. Being that he never wanted a younger brother to start with since he had "it" all to himself for nine years, he was able to influence other members of the family, due to his stature, that I am just simply a horrible person. Having socialized with some of the other family members at one occasion, the conversation with them led me to believe that I was not too far from my feelings. I am never called on the phone by any of them. I am never so much as written a letter by any of them, I am not even so much as thought of even in that moment of strain in the bathroom. Even with my own daughter, I do not exist. She is simply the result of that entity that the Christian world follows called God. I have even found bullying in the Christian world, of which my ex-wife is so much a part of. Sometimes I wonder about our legal system and wonder why they feel the mother is so much better to keep the children with than the father, except for the sheer fact that the mother is the one whom bore these children. Bullying. It exists everywhere. It is in all walks of life, and it is masked by many different "faces". One just has to weave their way through this world like a pin ball machine. Sometimes it can become scarring. One can beat a child into submission. Eventually, those physical scars will go away. It's the emotional scarring that can trail on throughout our entire lives. Some of us can only suppress it for so long. Others have no release except to let explode as though it were the volcano Mt. Vesuvius. Even then, the innocent caught up in its path will be harmed in one manner or another, sometimes even death.
The best thing to do is find one single person that can be confided in and trusted. They are hard and few between. Release your emotions to them. Relinquish your thoughts to them. Let them help you find that area that is not so dark and cold. Few of us do that. Meditate. Some think that it is hokey to meditate. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Reaching that relaxing, emotional state can be satisfying. In the end, if you realize that sacrificing the relationship of others will be the difference between you having peace of mind or having constant turmoil in your life, then you must do what is needed if you desire that peace. Once it is done, don't look back. Don't revisit. All you do is reopen the wound. My father used to tell me that my best days would be in high school. Really? He grew up in a different age than I did. People I went to school with are a lot colder than when he went to school. The people he went to school with remained friends with him until the day he died. I, on the other hand, have been ostracized from any and all high school reunions. Why in the hell would I ever want to cherish those days. Some of them never quit. They try to contact me as though they were a long lost friend only so they could discover whether or not I am still alive. There was no respect then. I don't have respect now. Why in the hell do I want to go back. I have a peace in my life that can't be matched now. I have a satisfaction in my life that my even my brother hasn't been able to achieve. That's why he has even stolen the relationship of my daughter from me. If she, a practicing, devout Christian that she is, has forsaken her father in such a manner that I do not exist, if she is that mean and hateful of me, then I don't need that kind of relationship in my life if I want to achieve the peacefulness, the satisfaction, the love, and the caring that I have with my current wife.
Respect and honor. There is no more.
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