Signs

Signs. Signs.  Everywhere there's signs.  Blocking up the scenery breaking up my mind... Just as the song by the Five Man Electrical Band says.  There are signs with everything you do.  There are signs with everywhere you go.  All you have to do is read the signs.  When you pull up to a busy intersection in a car that you just started to learn to drive in and you don't know what to do because there is not a traffic light there, but there is a pole with a big red insignia on it, all you have to do is read it.  You shouldn't ignore it just because there is very little traffic at the moment.  Read the damned sign!  But I ignored the sign.  I ignored several signs.  The girl I finally found in my long, arduous search was dolin' out that ass as though she couldn't give it away fast enough.  Defining my relationship with her in The Train Runs No More, she was the only one of her siblings that wasn't married yet.  I think she felt left out.  Anyway, with her giving me as much as I wanted to get, just about anytime I wanted to get it, she was able to apply the blinders so that I couldn't read all the signs available to me.  After having knocked her up, and by my own free will, I still wanted her because, she looked like Linda Carter of Wonder Woman at the time, I asked her to marry me.  Having done that, I was then not only invited into her family, but also asked of my opinion of a disagreement between her and her younger sister.  Like, I am supposed to settle whatever argument they were having.  Trying to be nice, I held back my opinion and just told her father that whatever opinion he had, that was the one I would go with.  Excuse my language, but, FUCK THAT SHIT!  That was the first sign and with the blinders on I couldn't read the sign.  I shouldn't have been nice.  I should have been myself.  Then when we showed up to the church for the rehearsal and there was a church sermon going on instead, that was another sign.  Then, I had my brother as one of the ushers.  I have no idea why.  Inside, my mind was asking why I would have someone who absolutely hated me so much that he couldn't talk to me without criticizing me all the time, in the wedding.  On the outside, by this time I was so selective of my friends, after separating myself from the dirt I used to hang with, that I felt I needed him for appearances.  I didn't pay attention to that either.  And, finally, as we began to file out at the wedding ceremony to wait and greet my soon to be wife, my brother tells me I still have a chance to turn around and leave.  There were four signs.  Of all the things my brother had to say to me, I should have paid attention to that one.  How many does one need before one realizes that something isn't right here?   And premonitions.  Those of you that have them, you have them for a reason.  Pay attention to them.  You might learn something.