Watching and Learning

Whenever the older brother would do something not to the liking of my parents, he would get into trouble with them.  By trouble, I mean my brother would get spanked with a belt.  Spanked, not beat.  There is a difference.  These parents that believe in diverting a child's attention, that crap never works.  The child's attention keeps getting drawn right back to the source that is attracting them and they won't quit until they discover what the source is all about.  My parents used to have friends that would bring small children over and when they did, the parents of the small children proceeded to pick up and move all the things that were reachable out of the way.  My mother finally had enough of the shit and said, "If I want my stuff put away every time an irresponsible parent brings their children over, I'll do it myself.  If you don't have the good sense to control your child, don't come over here rearranging my stuff to suit your child".  Either those too arrogant enough to take control would stop coming over, or the ones that felt responsible finally took a hand and their brats sat down and left things alone.  So, when my brother would get spanked, I would say to myself, "Shit!  I don't want any of that!"  So, Whatever it was, I didn't do it.  Sometimes that meant I would miss out on some of the fun that others had.  Fun.  As a teenager trying to find myself, I began hanging with an undesirable group of guys away from school.  We would go up to the new local multi-screen theater on a busy night when the parking lot was full.  We would find cars with nice wheels, lift them up and slam bricks underneath.  A couple of guys would spray freon on the wheel nuts while another came behind and hit them with a good, heavy hammer.  It didn't matter if they were wheel locks or not, the nuts would come flying off and the wheels came right off.  Quick easy money.  Then for some peculiar reason, I had a stroke of good sense.  Here I was stealing wheels from some poor sap that had worked damned hard to buy these things and here I was taking them and selling them for less that they were actually worth for some quick money.  I wasn't actually doing it for the money.  I did it because I thought it was fun.  If the shoe were on the other foot, how would it effect me?  So I quit doing it before my parents found out and before the police came along.  It wasn't too many more times after I quit and the guys got busted.  Talk about the timing being right.  Conscience.  Having a conscience.  I felt bad after a while, when I got a real job and I had to work.  I had to work damned hard for the money I earned in those days and now I was in the other person's shoes and I didn't like it.  I turned to another avenue, detailed in my book, "The Train Runs No More". I turned that way because at least no one was putting me down with every other sentence being said like my brother would do.  Constant humiliation.  I would drink and drug with the boys because it was fun.  But then the fun stopped being fun.  When I eventually got married to someone I really should have never married in the first place, I decided that when having a child, it's time to stop druggin'.  So, I did.  My brother never could figure out that if even alcohol is taking over your life, just quit.  He couldn't quit.  He had to turn to that entity called GOD.  What a weakling.  That's just like all the convicts in the joint.  They get in and all of a sudden they find GOD.  Why didn't they find HIM before it was too late.  Now, with my brother, one so much as treats a wound with alcohol, they are an alcoholic and sentenced to HELL forever.  He is such a fucking hypocrite for turning to Christianity and yet acting like the shitty ass person he remains to be.  If one just steps outside their box and looks back at themselves, maybe they might learn something and change what they are, what they do, and who they do it with.  Like I said.  I quit the drugs.  I still drink, but only when all of my other responsibilities are taken care of first.  Do I miss the drugs.  Yes.  I miss that physical feeling I used to get.  But, with drugs, it's different from alcohol.  It has a harder effect and a wider effect.  I haven't done drugs in twenty five years because of all the responsibilities that I have had and still have.  Once all of those are rendered then I'd like to do it again.  But by that time, I will still have a responsibility to myself in that I will be older, I need to be mindful of the effects it will have on my body and if anything detrimental happens, I have to be mindful of the responsibility that I will be leaving behind for someone else forced to take care of at that point.  So, I guess your answer would be, no.  I won't be doing drugs anymore since I'm a responsible person.  It's all about growing up, becoming an adult, attaining and maintaining responsibility, learning from one's mistakes.