Finding Solace

As described in my book, The Train Runs No More , once I fell in the dirt in and after high school, it followed me every where.  But once I left San Antonio, Texas, it began to shake off.  Still, every once in a while, a pile would show up; and it did again in St. Louis, but only for the moment.  Then I began to find a new interest since the wife decided to kidnap my children.  Yes. Kidnap.  As long as children are removed by one parent or the other without the permission of one parent or the other, it is called kidnapping.  I could understand it if I beat the hell out of them on a regular basis, or molested them in some form or fashion, but that couldn't be further from the truth.  These two kids were my pride and joy.  So, she took them with intentions of crushing me like a bug and expecting me to just roll over like a dog in the street with my legs up in the air.  I didn't.  I wasn't going to give her that energy.  I was treating her just as though she were one of the bullies in my school.  I refused to give her that energy of being hurt.  I had the money.  Why not keep myself distracted from the pain and hurt?  So I did.  I turned to some friends right down the walk from me at the apartment that I had first moved to.  We were always doing something together every evening.  If I wasn't there, then I turned to some of the night clubs across the river, in Illinois.  I found solace there and much more.  My book describes in detail what I found.  What I found is really defined as adult content and is advisable for parents that read my book to decide whether they want their harassed teenager to read it and find out how I was able to release bad energy.  I began spending more of my time there because that was my release.   Everyone has their own way to find release.  This was my way.  Some may stoop as low as indulgence into drugs and alcohol.  I would not condone that method too much as that way is too easy and does nothing because you have to come back to the real world.  My release happened in the real world.  It was suggested that I sit and journal.  But I resisted that method thinking not only do I not need to do that, but that won't do any good.  I am not understanding of psychology too well, but had I performed that method at that time, I might even be a better person than I am right now.  Somehow, writing something down like that is like taking the top off of a pressure cooker.  As I say, I don't understand how, but it works now, and it would have worked then.  I didn't do it and I was plagued not only but the childhood dream in my book , but other dreams began to crop up because my wife had kidnapped my children from me and got away with it.  Satisfaction for me.  I began finding satisfaction and it worked for me.  I was determined not to dwell.  However, the sibling brother whom hated me from birth, began to interfere.  And interfere he did.  To this day the hateful person that he is still believes he has done nothing wrong.  Karma will come his way.  Sooner or later, it will come.  It always does.  It may not look like it will come soon enough, but belief and prayer to whatever entity that one believes in, will make it come.  All it requires is a little patience.  In the meantime, if you constantly wish for one's death, you had better build two coffins, because it will eat you up inside if you let it.