There is a song that has some meaning behind this wonderful family of mine. The song is called, "Low Spark Of High Heeled Boys", written by Steve Winwood and Jim Capaldi. One of the verses is:
If I gave you everything that I owned and asked for nothing in return
Would you do the same for me as I would for you?
Or would you take me for a ride and strip me of everything, including my pride
But spirit is something that no one destroys
And the sound that I'm hearing is only the sound
The low spark of high heeled boys.
Well. I have been taken for a ride by my brother. He wasn't able to have children of his own so he "stole" mine. He interfered with my relationship with my children by providing the things of which I could not provide, so now my selfish, simple, weak minded children will no longer have anything to do with me. As I explained to them before, I don't pay people to stay away. If they want to come and visit with me, then we can talk about their needs. But if they don't want to bother with me, then they needn't bother with asking me for money. So, the big ol' bro has stripped me of everything that meant a great deal to me and even my pride, but the one thing he can't strip me of is my spirit. My spirit beckons me to step over the mine field and keep on moving through this war. Those that drop along the way in battle, I don't even look back and worry about, just like a mercenary soldier. I can't worry about them. If I do, then it only brings me down. The ol' bro and my ex-wife may have crushed my pride, but they have yet to crush my spirit. His hatred of me has become such that he kept my mother's funeral services from me and I was never allowed to attend. I was never allowed to say goodbye. I will continue to rub that in too. I wouldn't be surprised one day that I be out on the street one day and his only way to shut me up is to shoot me.
But I have digressed quite a bit from the point of this blog. The point of this blog is for children whom feel they walk in my shoes, or parents who find their children walk in my shoes is to look at the situations that have transpired and try to correct the paths that lie before them and smooth them out. You have to allow your children to get hurt sometime. They need to experience disappointment. You can't protect them all the time. But, you cannot allow for their self esteem to be crushed like a spider underfoot. Mine has been at times. I have been able to recover, but probably not in the manner I should have. I am not proud of some of the things I describe in The Train Runs No More. They were a release for me at the time, that provided me satisfaction. I have been driven to the point of suicide, but to the dismay of others, I managed to pull myself out of that mud. You cannot allow your children to be so harassed by others that they are simply crushed and find no way to discover satisfaction even if it is only within themselves. I am appalled by those that feel compelled to humiliate others so much that their victim can only find relief through suicide. I am appalled by a mother of a boy who cannot bring herself to confront the mother of a girl that likes her son and just make a simple request of the mother to change her daughters mind. Even closer to home, a teacher that has moved into the neighborhood tries very hard to control the other neighbors around her whom have been in the hood for years. But because she is a teacher at a local elementary school and I will not succumb to her wishes, she tries to set me up for a malicious crime which she was unsuccessful at pulling off. The bullying never stops at any age and for of all people, a school teacher to do what she has done, she should know better. So, after I turned up the fire a little and drew attention to her actions, she had a choice. Lose her job as a teacher or back the hell off. It has been approximately three years now since she pulled her little stunt. She doesn't even look my way anymore. Even the local police know who I am and they even know I wouldn't attempt what she was trying her damnedest to assert. So you see? It never stops. Some people never grow up, and bullying is at all levels, and in all facets of life. It all depends on how much energy one wants to give it to keep the action going. The best approach is just to tell these people to shove it up their ass and keep on moving. The sound that you hear is only the low spark of high heeled boys.
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