We as "normal", for whatever "normal" is, responsible parents of children that are different try to raise our children the best that we can. We who are attentive try to notice something in our children. We may notice a great talent in our children. We may notice something peculiar. We may see that they don't do "what others do" We may notice difference in them. Those parents that are truly intent about their child, and most are not, just as the Moody Blues Song says, "With the eyes of a child You must come out and see...", if parents could just resolve themselves to see through the eyes of a child once, you will come out of your busy life, your daily stresses, your distractions of everyday life, and you will see what your child sees, what they are going through, and how they are reacting to the situation. Just as in meditation, one must close off everything. Shut the door on all distractions, stop concerning one's self with what must be done in the next moment, forget about their selfishness for a moment. If a parent could just do that for a moment and visualize the world that their children are in, they just might be more helpful to their children.
When married to my first wife, I used to get down on the floor with my son. I would not interfere with his play. I would "study" him. I would look at what he was playing with at the moment and try to visualize just what the heck is going on "upstairs". My wife would be watching television, or doing some sort of craft that would only wind up in the corner collecting dust when complete, or doing something that had no business with the child. I could almost see what he saw, but not quite. What I could not see was the busy-ness that was taking place. I could not see the infliction that was taking place. Inside, it was growing like some bacterial disease. He began to become less focused on any one subject. He would become more upset with things he could not accomplish. As our world around us began to change, the cold war coming to an end changing the economical needs of our country like less dependent upon military weapons, the aircraft industry which was an excellent paying job began to waiver and lay off people. The stresses of a "new" life began to change. I was less able to "see" and through no fault of myself and not blaming my wife at the time, We could not see that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder was taking hold. He was constantly irritating his younger sister. Having grown up with a tormenting older brother, I was not about to let that happen in a second generation. All of these stresses not to mention having to move yet to another location just to keep employed, apparently was too much for my wife and she just left one day taking the kids with her. By law, in her mind, she can take the kids with her anywhere she wants and there is nothing the husband can do about it. Today, however, there is everything one can do about it, but without digressing, when you now have two parents, where one feels cheated in life and will do everything she possibly can to turn the children against their father, and having an ADHD child, this kind of situation can be very stressful, even a detriment to the child. To add salt to the wound, I had a weak, "do gooder" brother that hated my every action. When asked not to interfere, he became a monster only for his own selfishness instead of what was good for the child.
If we could only see through the eyes of a child.
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