Not From My School

Because of the issues of being treated like the gum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe all of the time, I made it a point not to find any girlfriends from my own school.  I didn't need anyone to tell my potential girlfriend just how uncoordinated I was or how ridiculous I could be, or even the world issues I was concerned about that no one else was.  I could do all that on my own and with grace instead viciousness. So, of the ones that did show any likeness toward me, I ignored.  I was friendly, but I ignored their "advances" if you will.  I found one that I became quite attached to.  Unfortunately, if you want to know the full detail of that relationship, you will have to either read my book, The Train Runs No More, or download the Kindle version.  I can tell you the relationship did not turn out to be a happy one.  Afterwards, I went through several stages in my life.  Some were fun, memorable stages, all done without the so called "friends" from high school.  Why travel down the same road with someone that was not desirable to me or me to them?  Sometimes I turned off the road and took a different avenue which lead me either to a dead end or one with disastrous results.  But, I would find my way back.  I eventually found two other women, one of which I wasn't ready to get married, the other that when I was ready to marry, she finally came out and told me that while her husband was out having a good time with other women, she was doing likewise with me.  The one thing I was able to leave her with was a memory.  She became pregnant, but tried to brush it off as not mine.  I know better, because all the parameters added up just nicely.  However, I wasn't able to get her to divorce her husband and marry me.  I had to move on rather than dwell on something I couldn't have.  There was also one that was looking for a husband to be father to her daughter.  She wasn't looking for a husband she could love.  She was looking to be financially taken care of.  End of story.  She saw that maybe I was too weak for that so she moved on.  Just as well because when I ran into her, she was one from my high school that I was not good enough for then and still wasn't.  She had just divorced from a husband that couldn't greet her any other way but beating the hell out of her and then raping her.  I'm glad that relationship never worked out because I eventually realized that it would not have been good for me.  Not from my school.  I finally settled on one.  She had all the things I was looking for, except for her family.  There was just something about her family that was not right.  I just couldn't read the signs.  Refer to the blog spot, Signs.  After all was said and done, I was speaking with a counselor to help me get back on track and he explained that by all accounts, she was a victim of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder that knew how to hide her affliction very well.  She also was one that wanted to be taken care of.  In this day and age, one can't be taken care of because it is simply too expensive to live.  It takes two salaries to make a relationship work unless one wants to continue living in the dump they came from.  I also became my own entertainer.  Everyone else had brothers and sisters to run around with and party with.  Mine hated me to the point of having little association with me.  But then, I look at other people's brothers and sisters.  They were all closer in age group.  They grew up together.  I was nine years apart from my brother.  I infiltrated his little domain.  I was imposing.  Needless to say, the relationship was not close with him.  I even received a letter one day from my dying father telling me to watch out for him because even he did not trust him anymore.  Being that the ol' bro was the stronger of the two, more calculating than the younger, and had a larger "army", I lost the war.  There's one thing I have that my brother will never have.  I have my father's love, I have my father's trust, I have my father's blessing of my current beautiful wife, and his wishes that we do well.  That is something the brother will never be able to have nor will he ever be able to take that away from me.  And THAT is what pisses him off the most!  He has been trying to break me emotionally, ever since, and it hasn't worked yet!